Requiem for a Toaster

My toaster quit working a couple of days ago. Whatever the mechanism that clicks when you push the slide lever down didn't click and stop at the bottom. The heating element wires, therefore, didn't engage. I could have lived with holding it down manually while the heating element did its thing, but even that doesn't work.

It wasn't an old toaster, like toasters should be. It was a relatively new toaster -- maybe two years I've had it. It replaced a toaster I had had for maybe 25 years. Toaster should live long lives and be productive and provide satisfaction beyond measure to their masters.

A toaster should last 25 years -- if not longer. Toasting bread caramelizes the sugars and starches and gives bread that little extra sweetness and crunchiness we like. According to an internet Toaster History site, "Infrared radiation is the key to making toast. Direct heating of bread to at least 310 degrees Fahrenheit triggers what food chemists call the Maillard reaction, in which sugars and amino acids in the bread react to form numerous flavorful compounds responsible for the change in the bread’s taste, color, and aroma. The Maillard reaction also reduces the bread’s water content by about two-thirds, making the toast crunchy." With a bit of peanut butter and some home made pear jelly, man, is that good.

You've got to eat it while it's still warm though, so the race from the toaster to the peanut butter, and then to the home made pear jelly requires steadfastness of purpose, quick reflexes, and a coordinated plan: pour the cold milk ahead of time, have a small plate ready, open the peanut butter and jelly jars, and set the knife astride the open peanut butter jar, and then, and only then, put the bread in the slots of the toaster, and depress the lever.

Do not be distracted. And I might add, even if the phone rings, stay focused on your efforts. Do not answer the door. Focus. And be ready. The toaster in question had an overactive thyroid or something because it tended to fling the toast with some velocity so that if you were attentive and your reflexes were still sharp, you could catch the toast in mid air. If not, then it would sometimes be flung completely out of the toaster and land on my kitchen counter.

Once the toast is ejected, with deft strokes, the thin layer of peanut butter goes down, and the spoon sized globs of pear jelly are applied and then gently crushed and distributed without disturbing the now melting layer of peanut butter.

Whether one slice of bread or two, the race is now on. Grabbing the milk in one and and rushing to my favorite easy chair, my leather Barca Lounger, I anticipate that first bite and that cold splash of milk that follows.

Oh, man, is that good.

But, alas, the toaster no longer functions. We've sent men to the moon, and vehicles to every planet, the sun, and even out of the solar system - Voyager continues on its way how many decades now......

We've built computer storage devices we can now measure in the terraquads.

Nanobots will someday clean our arteries and repair damage in our hearts, and
lungs, and who knows what else.

But my toaster is kaput.


Bud