Friday, January 25, 2019

Observations on Mortality Upon Purchasing Light Bulbs

I went light bulb shopping the other day for the first time in a long time. After considerable pondering about the vast array of technological lighting wonders, I purchased four 75 watt LED bulbs for about the same price as I used to pay for 20 incandescent bulbs. What convinced me to make this technological leap of faith was that the box cover of the LED bulbs said they should last 22 years. Yes, 22 years.

I grew up during the grand age of planned obsolescence. First implemented in the automobile industry, Chevrolet redesigned its 1923 model to attract customers even though the technology of the vehicle itself remained the same. Model changes in the 50s are drastic examples of this concept: consider the 1956, 1959, 1963 Chevrolet models. In the 1930s, Bernard London, proposed industries make goods that wouldn’t last very long, so customers would have to purchase the product again, and again, and again as a way for consumers to bring the country out of the Depression.

In my lifetime, I have thrown away many products which outlived their usefulness and were too expensive or impossible to repair. For example, battery powered drills whose batteries cost more than or almost as much as a new drill, so I went ahead bought a new drill. More than once. Disposable cameras turned out to be a short-lived phenomenon although I may still have one or more in a drawer somewhere waiting to be developed. The digital camera revolution pretty much did them in.

And consider Moore’s Law in electronics, the observation that the number of transistors in a dense integrated circuit doubles about every two years, first noted by Gordon Moore, CEO of Intel, in 1965. Since then, advances in micro processing, personal computers, even digital cameras, have roughly tracked this prediction although the rate of increase has slowed in recent years. A state-of-the-art computer purchased today may continue as state of the art for 3 or 4 years or even longer with upgradable parts.

Televisions, though, demonstrated a period of reverse planned obsolescence. I used to pray that my big 32” cathode ray tube television would die. For many years I prayed. It kept working for at least 15 years. The thing weighed about 100 lbs. and was the size of a stove. And would not die. I wanted a new generation flat screen tv, but it kept going and going and going, like the Energizer bunny, but that’s a whole other topic. I eventually just abandoned it and upgraded to a new flat screen tv when I moved. Now there are a bunch of new generations of flat screen tv: LCD, digital, HD, 3D, LED, OLED, Ultra HD/4K. My “new” one is a 40” LED HD-TV found on a clearance sale of "last year's model" two years ago. The sales person predicted it would last up to 10 years.

But back to planned obsolescence: the official Social Security Actuarial Life Table published the office of the Chief Actuary of the Social Security Administration gives life expectancy for a 68 year old man, me, as 15.68 years. This is less than the life expectancy of the light bulbs I just purchased. As one friend suggested, I can bequeath the light bulbs to my son.

Sunday, December 30, 2018

The Willing Suspension of Morhposyntactic Disbelief

The Willing Suspension of Morphosyntactic Belief

I was driving to church today and was fumbling in the car door compartment for a pair of sunglasses with a neck strap which I discovered had become entangled in a pair of pliers. But in each case it was one thing: one sunglasses and one pliers. And if you repeat that previous phrase, you may notice one sunglasses sounds ungrammatic while one pliers seems acceptable. I was wearing a pair of briefs, a pair of pants, and a pair of gloves, too. Two things which are joined are often thought of as a pair as well as two things which are not but go together. It’s a mass noun v. count noun phenomenon and requires, as Coleridge sort of said of reading Shakespeare, the willing suspension of grammar, I believe.

Or as Merriam-Webster's Dictionary of English Usage (1994) states: "Pair is one of those collective nouns that take a singular or plural verb according to notional agreement. If you are thinking of the individuals in the pair, you will use a plural verb….” This is synesis, “effectively an agreement of words with the sense, instead of the morphosyntactic form.”
However, given the usage issues with all this, it’s only about a 50/50 chance the listener/reader will note the many possible nuances.

Here are some examples of these morphosyntactic curiosities:
A pair of pants, a pair of pliers, a pair of glasses, a pair of earrings, a pair of dice, a pair of scissors, a pair of socks, a pair of gloves, a pair of binoculars (which is undeniably different from a pair of monoculars), a pair of underwear (note the singular form), a pair of briefs (which oddly is in plural form), a pair of shoes. Some of these are one thing; some are two.
I’ll deal with a few of these. A pair of dice is two dice. One dice is a die – which may be an ungrammatic utterance in that dice is two of them. The singular form is die. A sound shift in the 1500s may be responsible for the changing of the plural form from “dies” to “dice”; the former sounds too mortal coming so soon after the Black Death. Previously the “s” on “dies” was unvoiced. “My gloves are on the table” could be one pair, two pair, two pairs, or more. “A pair of gloves is on the table” is two gloves which likely match. “A pair of socks is on the floor” suggests they are matched. “A pair of socks are on the floor” leaves open the possibility that one might be black and one might be brown.

We would say “My glasses are on the table, not “My glasses is on the table.” “A pair of glasses is on the table” is different from “A pair of glasses are on the table.” In the former they are those things you hang on your ears and nose to see better. In the latter, they are those things you pour whiskey into after a long day. “A pair of pliers are on the table” is different from “A pair of pliers is on the table.” The former might be two pairs of pliers; the latter sounds like one pair of pliers. Subject/Verb agreement is clearly in a state of morphosyntactic flux here.

As the Duluth Trading Company says: “Get a pair.”

Monday, December 24, 2018

Merry Christmas

Bitter Wine - A Prayer Poem

Soldiers of the cross trample out the vintage
where the grapes of wrath are stored.
We drink of this bitter wine
and parade on brick plaza;
our children hear the hard step echo
and watch us. Too often,
brokenness cries down their faces.
There is no such thing as child friendly tear gas.
Scarred and scared, children deserve peace.
Onward soldiers, we say.
Let us rather drink from a different vintage:
the grapes of peace, the grace of peace.
“Eat this bread and drink this wine in remembrance of me,”
the adult of the child soon born said.
How many swords
it takes to make a ploughshare,
I do not know. Let us find out.
“All things can end -- even war,” said the child soon born.
“Even war.”

Saturday, October 27, 2018

Excerpt from Ch. 26 Bad Golf Made Easy - Trouble-shooting Around the Course

Sidehill putts
Golfers are often left with sidehill putts because green designers like slopes on greens in part because they are megalomaniacal sadists who revel in destroying the spirit of golfers. And in part because the slopes facilitate the drainage of water and increase the difficulty of putting. You might have a ball that breaks left or it may break to the right. It may be slightly or drastically uphill or downhill. Gravity is the force which causes the ball to arc downward on a slope trending towards the center of the earth, i.e., the center of the force of gravity. As the formula below clearly demonstrates, where a=acceleration, G=gravitational constant, M=mass, r=radius of the Earth, acceleration due to gravity is roughly 32 feet per second per second.
You must keep all this in mind as you determine the speed and direction of your putt. There are an infinite number of combinations of speed and direction which will result in your ball falling the last few inches into the cup toward the center of the earth on any given 8-foot putt. The fact that there an infinite number of combinations would lead one to believe these putts could never be missed. However, there are an even greater number of infinite combinations of speed and direction which will not result in your ball falling the last few inches toward the center of the earth on any given 8-foot putt.

If say, you aim 12 inches to the right of the hole, and putt the ball with force of x, it may or may not go in, but if you aim 12 inches to the right of the hole and putt the ball with force of x-5, it might just go in. In other words, a putt aimed 11 inches to the right would have to be struck slightly harder thus increasing its velocity reducing the force of gravity’s effect on the ball as it approached the cup. This can be further complicated by the fact that the farther to the right you aim, you may actually be putting uphill for the beginning portion of the downhill putt. You must calculate the first gravitational effect on the putt for its uphill portion of the journey as well. So the formula is something like infinity #1 (the uphill portion of the downhill putt) plus infinity #2 (the downhill portion of the downhill putt) times 32 feet per second per second. In other words: The standard form is (x - h)2 = 4p (y - k), where the focus is (h, k + p) and the directrix is y = k - p. If the parabola is rotated so that its vertex is (h,k) and its axis of symmetry is parallel to the x-axis, it has an equation of (y - k)2 = 4p (x - h), where the focus is (h + p, k) and the directrix is x = h - p.
Sometimes a green will have multiple breaks, sloping to the left and then sloping to right, or vice versa, in which case you have an even greater number of infinite combinations of speed and direction. How one infinity can be greater than another infinity? you ask. Well, this is, I am sure, a philosophical and mathematical conundrum and the source of great speculation (see Georg Cantor, German mathematician on the “cardinality of the continuum” or Liebniz; also see Aristotle’s discussion regarding the potential infinite and the actual infinite; and my question, for example, would be: can more angels dance on the head of two pins than on one pin?”). But on the golf course these infinities are not abstract, they are the difference between a par and a bogey, the difference between having a 12-inch tap in par putt or a 5-foot uphill sidehill comeback putt.
When putting, golfers must also decide on whether to increase the speed of putt slightly thus allowing gravity less time for that 32 feet per second per second to influence the curvature of the line of the putt or to decrease the speed thus allowing gravity more time for that 32 feet per second per second to influence said curvature. A common mistake is to pick the “slow line” and hit it the “fast line” intended velocity or to do the opposite, pick the “fast line” and hit the putt the “slow line” velocity. That seldom works. So don’t do that. And keep in mind that friction of the ball rolling on the green will slow the velocity of the ball thus increasing its break as the force of gravity works its magic. The Standard Friction Equation is:
Fr = μrN
Dividing by N, you can get the equation for the coefficient of rolling friction:
μr = Fr/N
• μr is the coefficient of rolling friction for the two surfaces (Greek letter "mu" sub r)
• Fr is the resistive force of rolling friction
• N is the normal or perpendicular force of the wheel on a surface
As you can see, this is not rocket science.
Occasionally, the force of gravity is greater than the friction of the ball on a downhill sidehill putt and you may actually putt the ball completely off the green. This is embarrassing when it happens, as you clearly either forgot or misapplied the standard equation for rolling friction coeffiecient. Duh. In US Open and other golf tournaments, greens often are virtually frictionless due to the secret application of Teflon mist during the overnight hours. A ball sent in motion will continue with no apparent deceleration whatsoever as the force of gravity is greater than the now frictionless putting surface.
More often, a player fails to recognize the gravity of the situation as happened to Ollie Schneiderjans in the Phoenix Waste Management Tournament in Feb. of 2018. Ollie had a 74-foot putt for eagle after driving the green on the par 4 17th hole. He misjudged both speed and direction and hit his putt too hard and rolled it into a pond as the gravitational forces increased when the ball left the putting surface and accelerated 32 ft per second per second minus the slight deceleration due to the bouncing ball’s friction as it contacted the grass of the fringe down the slope leading to the water. After a penalty stroke and a drop, he finished with a bogey. The video of the event shows him pointing to his brain after the putt clearly indicating he had failed to use the above gravitational formula in attempting this putt.
And while it is true that gravitational forces can vary from place to place due to density differences in the crust and mantle of the earth, or the distance from the center of the earth’s gravitational influence, and even on how fast time happens, these differences are minute and likely play no role in making an 8-foot sidehill, downhill, breaking putt.

A tip - avoid the "power lip-out." This occurs when the ball becomes influenced by the micro-gravity well at the time/space continuum event horizon of the cup. On a cup cut into a sloping green, one side of the slope is higher than the other and the difference is a variable [r=radius] in the gravitational acceleration formula above. An eighth of an inch or a quarter of an inch may not seem like much, but when applied to Newton's First Law of Motion in which Force = Mass x Acceleration, it can mean the difference between a birdie and a bogey. As the ball enters the cup it accelerates toward the center of gravity of the Earth and 32 feet per second per second. When (r=3959 miles) you get one result; however, when (r=3959 miles -1/4 inch) you get a different result. Not including that radii differential in your calculations is an egregious error. If a ball is struck ever slightly too firmly and the gravity well event horizon of the cup is unable to overcome the inertial forces of the ball in motion, and you manage to find that one out of an infinite number of combinations of speed and direction, the ball may accelerate as it moves toward the gravitational center of the earth, dip slightly below the planar surface of the opening and if the downward slope of the cup edge is greater than the gravitational forces can overcome, the ball may then escape the gravity well and accelerate away from the hole at a greater speed than which it entered the cup. And instead of making a more or less routine two foot tap-in putt for birdie, you are left with a six-foot comeback putt, albeit a straighter putt for par. NASA often "slingshots" satellites in a similar acceleration maneuver around the sun or planets in our solar system thus applying the gravity well acceleration principles of physics to spacecraft moving among the heavenly bodies. This part of golf may actually BE rocket science as this diagram (Figure 1) clearly illustrates.

In addition, even on level putts, a golfer may perceive the ball lip out of the cup under certain circumstances at a greater speed than that which it entered the cup. This perception may be influenced by the adrenalin pumping into the golfer’s system accompanied by a loud vocalized obscenity as the ball exits the cup. Alcoholic consumption may also be a factor in 1) mis-hitting the putt in the first place, and 2) the above mentioned perception. But this perception is an illusion. Laws of angular momentum (Figure 2)would state that as the lesser diameter areas of the ball rotate against the cup edge, negative acceleration would occur in addition to the gravitational deceleration which would occur as the ball moved away from the center of gravity.
However, laws of angular momentum do apply for a sidehill downhill or uphill putt because when the diameter of the ball’s surface touching the cup edge increases as the ball enters the planar surface of the cup hole, the center of mass of the ball decreases the distance to the imaginary rotational center of the void of the hole, and thus speeds up as if a ballerina were bringing her arms toward her center of mass. In other words, in modern (20th century) theoretical physics, angular momentum (not including any intrinsic angular momentum –) is described using a different formalism, instead of a classical pseudovector. In this formalism, angular momentum is the 2-form Noether charge associated with rotational invariance. As a result, angular momentum is not conserved for general curved spacetimes, unless it happens to be asymptotically rotationally invariant as you can plainly see in the accompanying Figure 3.

So with all this in mind, my advice is keep it simple: when faced with that 8 foot sidehill downhill, breaking putt just remember the gravitational acceleration rate, the formula for the arc of a parabola, the potential and actual infinities of speed and direction from which you can choose, the cardinality of the continuum, the law of the conservation of angular momentum, the rolling friction coefficient of the ball on the grass due to grass cut length, the rate at which the grass has grown since last mown, the direction of the grain, the moisture content of the grass blade, the surface wind, the barometric pressure, the air temperature, whether you are playing a 2, 3, 4, or 5 layer ball, the shape and configuration of the dimples of the ball and how that relates to the force you use to contact the ball with the putter surface, the composition of the ball cover and its shock absorbing characteristics when struck with the putter surface, milled, or un-milled; try to avoid striking the ball on the edge of a dimple, avoid the power lip-out, stay calm, exhale, close your eyes, and proceed to attempt the putt forthwith as your playing partners and players standing on the tee box behind you have been watching you figure all this out for some time now are getting impatient with your dithering.

Friday, October 05, 2018

2019 Calendar Email me at artbycassiday@coxnet

2019 Art by Cassiday Calendars - $20
Thank you to all who purchased my 2018 Art by Bud Cassiday calendars. I am now taking orders for my 2019 calendars. Email me at I’d like to share with some of the encouragement I’ve received from artists I admire and some undoubtedly true stories I’ve heard from my customers.

"I love his colors and irreverance and outlook on life. He reminds me of my husband, Diego Rivera. Bud's a wonderful man. I have several of his calendars." - Frida Kahlo

Hans Hofmann just texted me that he was pleased by my use of color and texture devoid of comprehensible structure as an element of the failure of the communication nexus of the synthetic moral construction of epistemic communalism and the contextual disorientation of post-modern America, particularly in my happy dogs playing musical instruments. He ordered two.

"His work is so colorful and glimmers on the canvas. When I see his ocean villages, I can taste the salt air! His use of colors is exquisite. I learned so much from him that summer he spent with me at Arles. We painted every day. It was amazing to watch him -- he became the landscape. And the peasants loved him. He was so kind. And those evenings with Gaugin........... We both have his calendars. Love the guy. I'll send him my other ear someday." - Vincent van Gogh

"Bud would be totally embarrassed to know I am writing on his behalf, but I had him in mind when I painted "Whamm!" He is one of the few who understood Pop Art and the counter-cultural underground and the appropriation of art by consumerism. He taught me to work from sketches. A real smart man and fine artist. I have all his calendars. Without him, I wouldn't know what day it is." - Roy Lichtenstein

"Bud Cassiday? Sure I know him. I love his action art. He gave me the idea. My "Galaxy" painting was inspired by his work. He has such a free-flowing style; abstract expressionism would not have happened but for him. He introduced me to Peggy Guggenheim. I owe him so much. And we have a lot in common. We both lived in Wyoming as children; his son and I share a January 28 birthday. We always exchange birthday cards. And I loved his 1956 Buick Roadmaster. It was a lot like my Pontiac. His work in mixed media and textural painting is remarkable. If you haven't gotten a calendar yet, you should. And Lee Krasner and Bud are such good friends. I love him like a brother. He should charge a lot more for those calendars. " -- Jackson Pollock

Dear Bud: I'd like three of your excellent calendars. I understand they are only $20 each. I love your synaesthetic art. I consider you a find practitioner of synaesthetism of a high order. I wonder though what you think of the synchronic anti-modalism of the experiential synaptic cascade phenomenon in relation to the theosophic rather than spiritual/archetypal scaffolding paradigm? I would most interested. Sincerely, Wassily Kandinsky.

Dear Bud - even though I've been dead since 1995, I'd like to say thanks for watching my tv show and I love your Happy Dogs. I painted happy trees which are different than Happy Dogs, but they both are happy. I love happy trees, and clouds, and bushes, and rocks, and barns, and birds. Just remember, there are no mistakes, only happy accidents. Oops, I just spilled my f****** coffee. Sh**. ps. I'll take two calendars. – Your admirer, Bob Ross

"I love Cassiday's art, his inquisitiveness, his love of science and discovery. I always chuckle when I see one of his Happy Dog paintings. I wish I had thought of that. And who doesn't love dogs? I do. And his chicken paintings are a delight, especially those on the motorcycles. I've known him for years and we talk regularly, especially when I need inspiration. He's such an interesting and resourceful fellow. If he ever does a calendar for 1516, I'm ordering several. One for me and several for my friends." -Leonardo Da Vinci

Deconstructing the human form and reconstructing it again is the ultimate creative and destructive act. Cassiday achieves the symbiosis of chaos and order necessarily present in a post modern yet pre-apocalyptic world. Combining the musical whimsy of a happy dog and the entropy of a darkened universe on a space/time horizon is no small achievement. Cassiday does neither and both. – Andy Warhol

The artistic compulsion to semiotism is antecedent to postmodern antithetic nihilism in its psychogenic pathos. Sans an ego-destructive narcissism, we are but communal archetypes in a creative and cyclical neurogenesis. Or, you know, like whatever, dude. – Michel Foucalt

"Art is its own excuse, and it’s either Art or it’s something else. It’s either a poem or a piece of cheese." Or a Cassiday calendar. - Charles Bukowski

Other news:
Hector Eduardo Rodriguez is a veterinarian in Oaxaca, Mexico, where he has a successful business that treats large animals. He and his wife, Concelita, have four wonderful children. She is a Doctor at the local health clinic known for her caring and healing skills. Their children all excel in their schooling and want to follow in the footsteps of their parents. “We love our parents,” they all say. “They are respected by the whole town, they treat us so well, and they are so understanding and fun to be with. We want to be like them when we grow up. And it is all because they have 11” x 17” wall calendars.” They go on: “Without their 11” x 17” wall calendars, they would have arrived late for their universities. They would have not become the doctors everyone loves. They owe it all to Bud Cassiday, Papillion, Ne. And the calendars are only $20. We love him so much.” This is a true story.

Sally McSweeney, 35, worked at The Adams Agency, an advertising company in Lubbock, Texas. She had worked for 8 long grueling months to land the contract of an important aerospace industry and planned to meet them in Chicago on Nov. 8, 2016. She had worked weekends. She had worked long hours. She lost track of time. She had prepared extensively for the meeting with her financial projections, her audience analysis, her list of prospective customers. And she was ready; however, she had no calendar, in particular an 11” x 17” wall calendar. She went to Chicago on the wrong day losing the account and her job. Heartbroken, she thought, “If only I had a wall calendar, I could have written those important meetings on the right days instead of putting all that work in for nothing.” Don’t let what happened to Sally happen to you. Don’t lose track of time. Don’t miss that Chicago aerospace contract. Order a calendar today, preferably an Art by Cassiday 2019 calendar for only $20.

Jonathan Wormington Smythe Winfield woke with a nagging suspicion he had missed something the day before. "What is the date today?" he wondered. "What month is it?" he worried. "If only I had a calendar, " he thought, "I wouldn't have missed that important job interview and my life would be better." He pulled himself out of bed, sorted through the pile of soiled clothing on the floor and found his favorite underwear, a pair of black socks, the jeans he'd worn for seven consecutive days, smelled a t-shirt just to be sure it was okay to wear, and found a sweatshirt wadded up at the bottom of the pile. "Where, oh where, can I buy a calendar" he thought. "If only I'd had one, my life would be so much better. And an art calendar! That's what I need. Every day I can be amused and inspired by the monthly original art featured." So he remembered he had seen calendars by a Papillion artist. "$20?" he thought. "Heck, I can afford that and my life will be so much better." So he bought one and his life became so much better. He knew what day it was, what month it was, and knew Christmas was on Dec. 25. He found a good job, has a girl friend, moved into his own apartment, now remembers his mother's birthday, and is saving his money to buy a new car. This story is true. The names have been changed to protect the innocent.

Saturday, August 11, 2018


Prez what's his face's lawyer, Rudy Guliani, today released what he thought were appropriate questions to be asked by special prosecutor Robert Mueller:

Mr. President, what is your favorite color?

Mr. President, do you like ducks?

Mr. President, what is your favorite dessert?

Mr. President, why are you the greatest president ever?

Mr. President, why do you like golf?

Mr. President, do you put ketchup on hot dogs?

Mr. President, who is your favorite movie star?

Mr. President, I see we are out of time. One last question. Do you like Jello?


Whiskey - A Poem

I like whiskey

in a glass filled with ice.

I fill the glass with ice

and pour the whiskey

into the spaces between the cubes.

The first inch or so of the drink

is almost all whiskey.

After that, melting ice

tempers the bourbon’s bite.

My life now is that last inch or so

of the glass, diluted by experience,

joys and disappointments.

Time has melted the burn

of the drink.

Saturday, April 21, 2018

Chapter 22 of Bad Golf Made Easy and/or Funner - Singular Achievements and Shooting Your Age

22) Singular Achievements and Shooting Your Age

Speaking of singular achievements, good golfers can chase a hole-in-one their entire golfing life and not get one. It took me about 55 years to get one. My regular playing partners have at least 7 among them which irritates me to no end. One got two in the same week on two different continents. I see stories about 10-year-old kids getting one on the first round of their lives. I want to hunt them down and run them over with a golf cart. I’ve seen ugly holes-in-one where players mishit their shots and roll and bounce the ball onto the green and it somehow hits the pin and drops in the hole. The mother of a former girlfriend did that. I think I missed the green with my shot I was so rattled. Holes-in-one are most often gotten on par 3 holes. But holes-in-one have been recorded on par 4 holes and even par 5 holes. A hole-in-one on a par 5 hole is called a condor, and as you might imagine is quite rare and almost always involves cutting the corners of a dogleg over trees to accomplish. A great deal of skill is required for any of these, as well as considerable blind luck. By the way, for a many years the world record length for a straight-line hole-in-one was from Omaha, Ne at Miracle Hills Golf Course: it was hit by Robert Mitera on October 7, 1965, at the Miracle Hills Golf Club in Omaha, Nebraska. Mitera used his driver to ace the 10th hole from 444 yards! Mitera couldn't even see the flag from where he teed off. He only realized he'd aced the hole when he arrived at the green and another golfer told him his ball was in the hole. According to Golf Today’s web page, “a condor was scored without cutting over a dogleg by Mike Crean at Green Valley Ranch Golf Club in Denver, Colorado, in 2002, when he holed his drive at the 517 yard par-5 9th.” This is longest straight line hole-in-one on record now and was aided by the altitude and thin air of 'mile-high' Denver.

A double-eagle is also a quite rare bird, called an albatross. That’s a 2 on a par 5 hole. The odds are about 6 million to one on that. Unlike Samuel Taylor Coleridge's “Rhyme of the Ancient Mariner” in which shooting an albatross leads to great misfortune, the one I shot lead to no misfortune, and in fact, I won a couple of bucks on it. I shot my albatross years ago at Benson Golf Course in Omaha, the par 5 11th hole, using a 3 wood and 7 iron. I must have hit the ball much farther back then. I knew I hit a good second shot but didn’t see it go in because of sun’s glare off the brown, shiny grass. As I approached the green, I mentioned to my playing partners that I had hit a good shot but that I couldn’t see it anywhere. “It was going right at it,” I said. One of my playing partners, Ray, I think, checked the hole, and there it was. When we play that same hole, I will often ask my playing partners who were with me that day if I ever told them the story of that shot. I think I’ve asked them that at least a hundred times since then. They never tire of it, I’m sure.

Shooting your age is another rare feat. One internet golf site says the odds are 1 in a million which is about six times more likely than the double-eagle. Only the best golfers in their primes can shoot a 68, for example, and that is usually in their younger years. For a 68-year-old to shoot a 68 is quite an accomplishment. It’s all about where physical golf skill and actuarial tables intersect on a line graph. For example, a score of 130 is very achievable by even the average duffer, but living to be 130 in order to do that is not nearly as easy. Virtually any old 160 old grandmother in good physical condition could do it. Ages 72-80 seem to be the most likely range of the intersection of good health and good scoring for a good golfer.

According to an internet golf records site, a guy named Bob Hamilton, the 1944 PGA Championship winner, shot his age of 59 at Hamilton Golf Club in Evansville, Ind., in 1975. “The oldest golfer to shoot his age was 103-year-old Arthur Thompson of Victoria, British Columbia. Thompson was playing the Uplands Golf Club in Victoria when he accomplished the feat in 1972.” And finally, T. Edison Smith, of Moorhead, Minnesota, shot his age an amazing 3,359 times before dying at the age of 98 in 2012. He apparently golfed a lot.
I’ve shot my friend’s age with a 71 last year, but I was 66, and it was my friend who was 71, so it didn’t really count. I’ve shot the temperature many times before on 75 or 80 degree days. The best score I ever had on a full-sized 18 hole course was a 67. I am now 67. Therefore, shooting my age now seems a possibility. I will sometimes play the senior tees which would seem to be my best chance to do this in the next few years. I figure I’ve probably got maybe 10 to 20 years years to accomplish this depending on mortality factors. My dad lived to be 89.

The most important elements in this probability equation is play lots of golf and don’t die.