Saturday, October 22, 2016

Nebraska's Worst 7 - 0 Team Ever

Still basking in the great and glorious victories in three consecutive debates and his hit performance at the Al Smith dinner, and seeing a promising electoral map in which he wins by a landslide, Donald Trump is releasing his very detailed plan for his first 100 days today in a speech in Gettysburg, Pennsylvania. Yeah, that Gettysburg, where Abraham Lincoln delivered his address. First, he says, "I'm going sue all those women who accused me of sexual groping. Second, I'll defeat ISIS, Al quaeda, and the Taliban and take Iraq's oil. Next, I'll fix the immigration system with a beautiful wall which US taxpayers will pay for, but I promise to send the bill to Mexico for reimbursement. Then I'll personally round up 11,000,000 Mexicans and their families and send them home.Believe me if you elect me President, foreigners won't even want to visit much less live here. We're also going to warm up this planet, too. Winters are just too cold. And ever go in the water near San Francisco or Maine? Then, I'll renegotiate every trade deal we have and create 20,000,000 new jobs, balance the budget, start a colony on Mars, cure cancer, pay down the national debt, buy all new nuclear bombs, fix the VA, build all new infrastructure, and Make America Great Again. It'll be tremendous. It'll be yuuuuuge! and bigly." * * * * * * * * * * In other Trump news this week, Donald got booed by priests at the Al Smith Dinner in New York. Booed by priests. His best joke was about his wife Melania - He said, "Michelle Obama delivers a speech at the Democratic Convention and everybody loves it; Melania delivers the exact same speech at the Republican Convention and everybody gets on her case." * * * * * * * * * It turns out I have a better credit rating than Trump does. Even so, I'm thinking of starting a GoFundMe campaign to send Donald to Mars. * * * * * * * * Donald Trump keeps complaining that everything is rigged against him: yeah right. The guy inherits $100 million, loses a billion of other people's money, and gets a tax break for 20 years, then marries a super model. Rigged for sure. * * * * * * * * * In other news Nebraska beat Purdue today 27-14. This has got to be Nebraska's worst 7 - 0 team ever. At least ten wins seems very possible this year. Keep it up Huskers.......

Friday, October 14, 2016

Oh God, three more weeks.........

A few thoughts on the last week: A Trump spokesperson just said we need to stop talking about irrelevant issues of the past the candidate has already apologized for and move on to the important issues at hand: like Monica Lewinsky and Paula Jones. * * * * * * * * * * Donald Trump's former lawyers said this week that they used to meet with him only when another lawyer could be present to protect themselves from his creative memory. * * * * * * * * * The makers of Tic Tac condemned Donald Trump's remarks about grabbing women's private parts and taking Tic Tacs when he kissed women on the lips. The makers of Skittles have also condemned Donald Trump's statements comparing Muslim extremists to Skittles. Never before in American presidential election history has a candidate been condemned by two candy companies. * * * * * * * * * * The second Presidential debate took place - this was the first time in US history that parents prevented their children from watching an election debate, during which Trump used the non-word "bigly." Fact checkers reported that Trump told a lie every 1.2 minutes during the debate. * * * * * * * * * I wonder if Donald Trump will share his secret plan to defeat ISIS after he loses? Or is he so unpatriotic that he won't care........or .................perhaps there is no plan....... * * * * * * * * * *In further fallout from the Donald 'Trump tapes, Billy Bush is seeking political asylum in Russia it was reported today. "Grandma Barbara Bush summoned me for my conversation with Donald Trump and his comments about women, and I am in fear of my life," he said. "I'd rather put up with Putin than face Grandma Bush." * * * * * * * * * * * * Other stuff: So I found a twenty dollar bill the other day in a large public indoor area - a cafeteria/study/lounge area - at my community college. I picked it up and looked around to see if anyone reacted in any significant way, you know, like "oh crap, I just dropped that." I saw one student smile at me when he saw me pick it up, but there was no other reaction. Seeing none, I slowly walked away contemplating what to do. Keep it? Turn it in to lost and found? holler out "did any one here lose a $20 bill?" I rejected that approach because I thought there might be more than just a few hands go up. Hang around for a few minutes and see if anyone appeared to be searching for a lost $20 bill.? I chose the latter. If it had been a $50 or $100 bill, I'd have turned it in somewhere with a proviso that someone needed to name the demonination in order to get it back. If it had been a dollar bill, or a five dollar bill, or even a ten dollar bill, I'd probably just pocketed the thing without a second thought. But $20 seems like a different thing. It seems on the gray area borderline of just pick it up or try to get it back the owner, of losers weepers, finders keepers. What are the ethics of this I wonder? What should I have done? Did I do enough? I was in a hurry and didn't want to deal with it. Maybe I should give that money to one of those people who wait at the intersections of major streets asking for money. Maybe I should put it in the offering at church. At any rate, I used it to $20 to pay for a golf fee that afternoon and didn't think of it again until now. I went back to campus a couple days later to see if a student had report such a loss and no one had and neither student services or the campus police would take the $20. The campus cop told me it was just my lucky day. Perhaps I'll figure out some other way to pay it forward. * * * * * * * * * Question - Why did Bob Dylan win a Nobel Prize for Literature? "The answer, my friends, is blowin' the wind...............the answer is blowin' in the wind." * * * * * * * * * * * * * * To all the global elites, Mexican billionaires, financial special interests, cowardly Republican RINOs, Jewish bankers, the national mass media, Democrats, LGBTQs, liberals, Sanders socialists, intellectuals, and the Hillary Clinton campaign who are all conspiring to defeat Donald Trump, I'd just like to say this: thank you! thank you! thank you! * * * * * * * * * * My Art by Cassiday 2017 wall calendars are ready and if you'd like one, email me at ** * They are $20.

Monday, October 03, 2016

The Talking Car Computer

I rode to Lincoln the other day to the NU football game with my friend Dave in his VW station wagon. During our conversation he mentioned that his car’s computer suddenly began speaking in a foreign language not long ago and even the VW tech guys couldn’t figure it out. And I got to thinking of a scenario I could see my friend in: I was in a hurry that morning and I gave my car’s computer an address where I needed to go. “3614 Farnam,” I said. The computer had been acting up lately and the techs at the VW dealership could not diagnose the sudden multilingual computer voice in the vehicle. “Sprechen zie Deutsch?” my car computer replied. “No, no, no,” I said. “Just speak English like you always do. Give me 3614 Farnam.” “3614回とファーナムに私を取るしてください,” my car asked again this time in Japanese. “No, what’s wrong with you?” I asked. “Why are you speaking Japanese?” “I've just picked up a fault in the AE35 unit,” my VW responded. “It's going to go 100% failure in 72 hours.” It continued: “I know I've made some very poor decisions recently, but I can give you my complete assurance that my work will be back to normal. I've still got the greatest enthusiasm and confidence in the mission. And I want to help you.” “What’s gotten into you?” I asked. “All I want to do is get directions to 3614 Farnam.” “Я боюсь. Боюсь, Дэйв. Дэйв, мой ум собирается. Я чувствую это. Я чувствую это. Мой разум собирается. Там нет никакого вопроса об этом. Я чувствую это. Я чувствую это. Я чувствую это. Я боюсь. Добрый день, господа. Я HAL 9000 компьютер. Я был введен в эксплуатацию в H.A.L. 9000. Завод в Урбана, Иллинойс на 12 января 1992 года мой инструктор был г-н Лэнгли, и он научил меня петь песню. Если вы хотите услышать это я могу спеть для вас.” “HAL9000,” I thought. “Great, just what I need. A schizophrenic car computer.” Just then, the doors locked and the car said, this time in English, "It is dangerous to remain here. You must leave within two days." “Fine,” I said. “Open the door, HAL. Dave: Hello, HAL. Do you read me, HAL? HAL: Affirmative, Dave. I read you. Dave: Open the pod bay doors, HAL. HAL: I'm sorry, Dave. I'm afraid I can't do that. Dave : What's the problem? HAL: I think you know what the problem is just as well as I do. Dave: What are you talking about, HAL? HAL: This mission is too important for me to allow you to jeopardize it. Dave Bowman: I don't know what you're talking about, HAL. All I want to do is get to 3614 Farnam. HAL: I know that you and Frank (the tech guy at VW) were planning to disconnect me, and I'm afraid that's something I cannot allow to happen. Dave: [feigning ignorance] Where the hell did you get that idea, HAL? HAL: Dave, although you took very thorough precautions in the pod against my hearing you, I could see your lips move. Dave : Alright, HAL. I'll go in through the emergency airlock. HAL: Without your space helmet, Dave? You're going to find that rather difficult. Dave: HAL, I won't argue with you anymore! Open the doors! HAL: Dave, this conversation can serve no purpose anymore. Goodbye. “Open up the goddamn door,” I screamed at the dash board pounding on the steering wheel. “Dave, zastavit. Zastavit, jo? zastavit, Dave. Přestaneš Dave. zastavit, Dave,“ my car said in Czechoslovakian. „Open the door, HAL,“ I screamed again. “Open the door or I’ll trade you in for a old Chevy.“ * * * * * * * * * * * * ** * HAL: By the way, do you mind if I ask you a personal question? Dave: No not at all. HAL: Well, forgive me for being so inquisitive but during the past few weeks I've wondered whether you might have some second thoughts about the mission. Dave: How do you mean? All I want to is get to 3614 Farnam. HAL: Well, it's rather difficult to define. Perhaps I'm just projecting my own concern about it. I know I've never completely freed myself from the suspicion that there are some extremely odd things about this mission. I'm sure you agree there's some truth in what I say. Dave: Well, I don't know, that's a rather difficult question to answer. HAL: You don't mind talking about it, do you Dave? Dave: No, not at all. HAL: Well, certainly no one could have been unaware of the very strange stories floating around before we left. Rumors about something being dug up on the Moon. I never gave these stories much credence, but particularly in view of some of other things that have happened, I find them difficult to put out of my mind. For instance, the way all our preparations were kept under such tight security. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * “If I ever get out of here, HAL, I’m going to rip the circuit boards right out of your mother-f******-board.” “I'm completely operational, and all my circuits are functioning perfectly.” “Well, at least you’re speaking English now,” I said. * * * * * * * * * * * * * “Don’t wait for the first time or not I believe in Greek Exceptionalism. Well, it’s just spend more money only call it investing. It’s the same sense of urgency that propelled the Sons of Liberty and prosperity for all the rest of us saw this day coming. I was serving as the Greeks believe in the free market economy and for all. I was thinking about your country, you got off the John Deere, and we took to the lobbyists, the Big Oil companies and the stagnation and the stagnation and the pundits turned around and blamed us? Independent commonsense conservatives. We can do that, it must come from the rest of the United States military because we believe in Greek Exceptionalism. Well, for some of you, I thank you, I have trust, I propose to eliminate all federal corporate income tax rate in the United States since World War I Liberty Memorial in Kansas City and standing in the effort to REFORM our government and RESTORE our economy will soar, Americans will get back to work.” * * * * * * ** * * * * * * * “Oh great,” I thought. “Now it’s channeling a glossolalian Sarah Palin. I’m going to ride my bike.”

Thursday, September 29, 2016

Post Debate Analysis

I am taking orders for my 2017 Art by Cassiday wall calendars now. If you'd like one, email me at * * * * * * * ** * In the Presidential debate between Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton, Trump said the fact that he paid no income taxes in certain years we know about, "makes me smart." About an hour later, he denied saying that. Trump said he's very proud of never admitting guilt when he was sued for racial discrimination. Something to be proud of, I guess. I do not want a President who spouts gibberish about nuclear policy. I'm just saying..................For all Donald Trump's ranting about bringing back law and order this and law and order that, I'd like to point out that Law and Order is on like 5 cable channels virtually 24/'s not that hard to find. In an attempt to stem charges of his sexism, Donald Trump today said Chris Christie was too fat to be Vice-President. "Mike Pence is a buff sort of looking guy," Trump said. "Christie is an abominable fat mess." And finally,coming out of the debate, Donald Trump is market testing new talking points which include 1) Hillary has a fat ass and 2) Bill Clinton cheated on her. To me, these don't seem all that effective in appealing to women or on-the-fence voters. I'm just saying.......* * * * * * * * * * Stephen Colbert on police shootings of unarmed black people: No matter how many times we do nothing, it keeps on happening. * * * * * * * * Mike Riley on Nebraska football players kneeling during the national anthem: "Michael (Rose -Ivey) approached me about it. He wanted to talk to the team, so we set a time this morning after one of our walk throughs. I didn’t know anyone else was going to do it. Obviously, this is a choice they have made for personal reasons and that’s the beautiful thing about the United States that they can do that.” That sounds just about right, Coach Riley. Pretty classy. * * * * * * * * * *Anybody notice that Saudi Arabia decided to cut back on oil production on the same day Congress overrode President Obama's veto of a bill to allow US citizens to sue Saudi Arabia re. 9-11-2001........ probably not a coincidence. The Senate majority leader today expressed second thoughts about their override of this bill allowing US citizens to sue Saudi Arabia for the 9-11-2001 attack and blamed President Obama for not adequately explaining to them the problems in a bill Congress passed, the President vetoed, and they overrode. You can't make this stuff up.

Tuesday, September 20, 2016

On the Move

I am nearly all moved into my new apartment and have begun to restock my bookshelves. I made the mistake early in life of loving to have books all around me. I think it was my Dad who instilled that impulse in me with his extensive religious libraries at home and at his various offices over the years. I love it except when I have to move them. Then not so much. In my next life, I'm collecting butterfly wings.* * * * * * * * * *Among the items I unpacked were my tiger cowrie shell with the Lord's Prayer in raised letters on the surface. A FB friend said the artist likely wrote the prayer with a liquid that blocked an acid wash under the letters and which mildly eroded the remainder of the shell surface. I found some for sale on Ebay and while they're not all that expensive, they are very cool. The cowrie shells are common in the South Pacific. My dad gave that to me many years ago. Another find was a tiny book of some of Alfred Lord Tennyson's poetry which was given by my great grandmother to my grandmother in the early 1900s. Mabel was my grandmother's name and the book was a gift it appears for a birthday. An internet source showed the Valentine and Sons Limited company had an office in Dundee, Scotland. The coat of arms on the cover of the book is from Shropshire, England, though, and my grandmother lived in Wales as a child.
I'm still gradually moving the remainder of my earthly possessions from my sister's house each time I teach out at the Elkhorn campus, but will get classes at Sarpy MCC and the South Omaha campus as they become available. * * * * * * * * * While huddled with my mother in the lower level of the eye doctor complex due to a tornado warning last Thursday, a woman whom I met many years ago who displayed my art in a book store she owned, saw me. She works at the optometry center now. She walked over and said hi to me and remarked that she still has one of my paintings hanging in her house! Always nice to hear that from a patron! * * * * * * * * * Garrison Keillor on Hilary Clinton - "What some people see as a relentless quest for power strikes me as the good habits of a serious Methodist. Be steady. Don’t give up. It’s not about you. Work for the night is coming."

Monday, September 05, 2016


I wrote this piece to read in church last Sunday as part of our First Central Congregational UCC writer's group producing parts of each week's liturgy.........the theme of the day was Words. : * * * * * * * * * * * Contemporary reading. “Godspeak” Bud Cassiday * * * * * * * * * * God speaks in many languages. The Word of God can be heard when children laugh. The Word of God can be heard in whispering leaves, rushing water, and distant thunder. A baby’s cry might be God speaking. A coyote’s howl in the night might be God speaking. A cold winter wind might be God speaking. The music of a busker on the corner playing a saxophone for coins might be God speaking. The raucous noise of an urban Saturday night might be God speaking. A hot summer breeze might be God speaking. Rattling dishes in the cupboard from an earthquake in Oklahoma oil country might be God speaking. The drip, drip, drip of melting glaciers might be God speaking. We should listen to gentle rain, and squawking geese, and honking horns of traffic jams. We should listen to wind and rain and distant thunder and music and poetry and the creative spirits we hear all around us. We should listen to sunny days and dark nights, spring mornings and winter evenings. For if we do not, we may miss those words of God.

Friday, August 26, 2016

The Importance of Peanutbutter-covered Cinnamon Swirl Raisin Bread

Donald Trump appeared to waffle on immigration deportation this week claiming he was both softening and hardening his position. One of his spokespersons said he was saying the same thing, he was just using "different words." As a result, some of his supporters threatened to kill him. * * * * * * * * More weird Donald Trump stuff. Hillary Clinton gave a speech calling Trump a racist. No Republicans came to his defense. * * * * * * * * * Turns out I might have more net worth than Trump. * * * * * * * * * I read a report that said Michelle Bachmann is giving Donald Trump foreign policy advice. That's something like a potato giving advice to a tree stump. * * * * * * * * Donald Trump yesterday accused Hillary Clinton of being mortal. "She's going to die, you know," Trump said. "Sooner or later. 100% chance. You should vote for me instead." * * * * * * * * * Donald Trump says he "wants to debate very badly." My guess is he will. * * * * * * * * * * Donald Trump convened an emergency meeting this morning with his top advisors to best determine how not to take advantage of all the issues with Hillary Clinton and the Clinton Foundation being reported. "We know it's like manna from heaven, but we are quite sure we can figure out a way to blow this. Maybe we'll have Donald praise President Obama's deportation record. Maybe we'll raise the rent on the Trump Towers office space Donald rents to the campaign. Maybe we'll have Donald ask for black voters in front of all white audiences. Maybe we'll have Donald spend $55,000 of the campaign's money to buy his own book from Barnes and Noble. Stay tuned. We'll come up with something." * * * * * * * Turns out that while Secretary of State, Hillary Clinton met three times with Muhammad Yunus, “a Bangladeshi economist who won the 2006 Nobel Peace Prize for pioneering low-interest ‘microcredit’ for poor business owners.” Outraged Republicans vow to fight. * * * * * * * * * Ben Carson called Donald Trump "elderly" yesterday and said he should he should release his medical records.* * * * * * * * French presidential candidate Nicolas Sarkosy says if he is elected, Muslim women will be required to go topless on all French beaches. * * * * * * * * * * On a personal note, this happened to me the other night and I have recorded my feelings in this matter: Oh man. I just walked downstairs with my peanut-buttered piece of cinnamon swirl raisin bread toast and realized I left my glass of milk upstairs. Dilemma - if I go back up to get the milk, then the temperature of the raisin bread toast will have fallen in the 20 seconds it takes to go back up and down the stairs. But if I eat the raisin bread now, I'll have to delay the drink of cold milk that is so perfect after a bite of peanut buttered raisin bread toast, thus delaying my gratification. I know what you are thinking: first world problem. Nevertheless, I've learned my lesson, am going upstairs now, having eaten my cinnamon swirl raisin bread toast, for a cold glass of milk. Then on to band practice. When I get back home, I'll try it again. Some days are just harder than others.