Friday, February 26, 2016

You can't make this stuff up

Another Republican debate and two mass shootings. Seems about normal these days. In one of those mass shootings, an Uber taxi driver randomly shot citizens going about their daily lives. People immediately demanded an investigation into Uber hiring screening. Wait a second? How about investigating how he got assault weapons? * * * * * * * The only thing all the Republican candidates seem to agree on in the debates is that all the others are liars. * * * * * * * * * Politifact stats show Ted Cruz is five times more likely to say something true than Donald Trump; and Ted Cruz says something true 5% of the time. Ted Cruz fired a staffer for spreading false information. How ironic is that? * * * * * * * * This week's Republican debate was best summarized by the person writing the closed captions for the debate: "unintelligible yelling." Donald Trump told the fabricated story of General Pershing executing Muslims in the Philippines with bullets dripped in pig's blood - and he told it as though it were a good thing. * * * * * * * Donald Trump thanked "poorly educated" voters for lifting him to victory in the Nevada caucuses. I'm not sure he sees the irony in that. A New York times poll showed 40% of Trump's supporters thought the Emancipation Proclamation was a bad idea. And the former Grand Wizard of the KKK, David Duke, expressed his full support of Donald Trump. Trump also claimed that the IRS was auditing him because he is Christian. * * * * * * * * * Glenn Beck says he will go on a hunger strike for Ted Cruz. * * * * * * * * If you elect enough idiots to Congress, you get, well, what we've got. Etan Cohen, co-writer of Idiocracy, cult hit movie in which two people wake up from cryogenic sleep to find the country a wasteland of anti-intellectualism, said this week that he "never expected his movie to become a documentary." The only thing a Republican said this week that made any sense was Lindsey Graham, Senator from South Carolina: "My party has gone bat-shit crazy." Like my friend Greg said last week, "You can't make this stuff up." * * * * * * I did finish the dragonfly painting this week for a customer in California! Mida's Dragonfly, 36 x 48 in., mixed media and acrylic on canvas. And finally, my Metro college Comp I students gave me an end of quarter present yesterday: a bottle of Templeton Rye Whiskey. It must have been because our spirited debates and my wry sense of humor!

Thursday, February 18, 2016

Did all that really happen this week?

The week started with the death of Antonin Scalia and ended with a spat between Donald Trump and Pope Francis. In between, Republican candidates called each other names all night at the debate: "Liar, f***wad, a**hole, motherf******, pu***, son of a b****, c***sucker, dipsh**, turdface, pussy, moron, idiot, imbecile, stupidhead."* * * * * * * * Marco Rubio and Ted Cruz went at it in Spanish trying to show who disliked Mexicans more. * * * * * * * In other news, Glenn Beck called Donald Trump a "narcissist psychopath." Takes one to know one, I guess. Provide your own punchline for that one. * * * * * * * Ted Cruz made a campaign pledge to no longer allow gluten free food to be fed to soldiers. Somehow, that shows America is weak. Meanwhile, Jeb! Bush has former President G. W. Bush campaigning with him in South Carolina: George W. said, "I'd like to remind everyone that If it weren't for Justice Scalia on the Supreme Court and my brother Jeb! down there in Florida, I would not have been President. Heh. Heh. Heh." * * * * * * * * Conspiracy nuts are having a great time imagining that Justice Scalia was murdered either by President Obama or God himself. A Ted Cruz supporting radio pastor, Rick Wiles, said Justice Antonin Scalia was murdered by President Obama and was a human sacrifice to mark the pagan festival of Lupercalia. Wiles explained that the “Luciferian” “devil-worshipers” who control the government are out for blood, noting that Lupercalia is observed between February 13 and 15. Scalia’s body was discovered on the 13th. “There’s always human sacrifice involved,” he said, claiming that Scalia was “killed” to mark the beginning of pagan fascism ruling over the U.S." Sounds reasonable. * * * * * * * * Glenn Beck, on the other hand, says that the above was absurd and that God killed Justice Scalia so that people will vote for Ted Cruz. Makes sense. * * * * * * Re. the spat between Donald Trump and the Pope, and whether building a wall is Christian (the Pope thought not, and Donald took bombastic umbrage), the Vatican released a statement today from Pope Francis: "After prayerful consideration, I'd just like to say that Donald Trump is an arrogant jackass and I hope he chokes on a chicken bone." Later in the day Donald Trump said the Pope was a pussy.

Friday, February 12, 2016

My Second Novel

So I'm now working on two novels, if coming up with one line on the second and being stuck on Ch. 5 on the first one counts. "I was on old Hiway 6 heading west that night, weary from a day of hard drinking outside Milford, Ne, the heavy black tar strips across the concrete making a thumpthump, thumpthump on my tires as I drove; then suddenly, I thought of Frida Kahlo." I've always liked Frida's heavy color surrealism and her personal story is compelling and courageous. Most of what I know about her I know from watching the Selma Hayek movie. I need to find out more about her. Bu right now, I'm trying to come up with the second line. "My stomach grumbled and growled -- I should have stopped at the Dairy Queen and got a burger and maybe some fries-- but I had to get to Ogallala tonight to see my girl before she left for the Peace Corps tomorrow. Ghana. Why Ghana? I thought when she first told me. But that was before. 'Ghana with the Wind' was the thought that kept repeating in my aching head now as I hit those tar strips across the road --- and thoughts of Frida." * * * * * * * * * * * * The next President will, barring unforeseen events, be a Methodist woman, a Jewish guy, or a narcissistic theocratic fascist psychopath. I'm going with the Methodist woman or the Jewish guy. * * * * * * * * In other news, Marco Rubio's bus broke down on the way to South Carolina providing a fitting metaphor for him; and Ted Cruz apparently hired a porn star for one of his TV ads. Things happen I guess. Mike Huckabee dropped out of the race and called Ted Cruz sleazy. Carly Fiorina dropped out and nobody cared. Jeb! Bush came up with a new campaign slogan -- Not Dead Yet. That has a ring to it. Jeb! Bush will be bringing in former President Hindenburg to help with the campaign in South Carolina. "We think that'll help," he said. John Kasich gave a warm fuzzy speech claiming to be the compassionate one after a surprising 2nd place finish in New Hampshire and then cut the funding for Planned Parenthood in Ohio the next day. Chris Christie dropped out the race too to the dismay of New Jerseyites who prefer he be gone. Donald Trump's fascist bandwagon keep rolling along. * * * * * * * * The remaining Bundy holdouts up there in Oregon surrendered and were arrested and will be occupying another federal facility for some time to come. In my mind, the Republican primary is similar to the Cliven and Ammon Bundy gang trying to take over that Oregon wildlife refuge: self-deluded conspiracy theorists, sophomoric constitutional theories, zealous and strange religious notions, anti-government sentiments. * * * * * * * * * In other news, scientists have detected gravity waves. I've been thinking about how the detection of gravity waves will affect my day to day life. Predicted by Einstein long ago, scientists finally figured out a way to detect them, and then found them....... So kudos to them. But I have to admit, I'm like, Einstein proved right again, yawn. I'm thinking that as long as the gravity waves aren't too big, I'll be fine. At any rate, it seems it would be bigger news if Einstein was wrong.........And finally, here's my rule of inverse proportion: The closer candidates claim to be to God, the farther away they likely are.

Saturday, February 06, 2016

Super Bowl L?

Politics of the week: In New Hampshire, Bernie Sanders was making political points against Hillary Clinton's $675,000 speaking fee she received from Goldman Sachs until Andy Borowitz revealed that Mr. Sanders received free checking with a $500 balance from a major national bank. * * * * * ** President Obama gave a speech at a Muslim mosque this week calling for respect and understanding for all Americans whatever their faith. Republicans, of course, went ballistic: Donald Trump, campaigning in New Hampshire, promised that if he is elected, he will be rude to American Muslims during his entire term of office. And Marco Rubio promised to be even ruder: "I will go out of my way to be ruder whenever possible, ruder than Mr. Trump, I promise. " Not to be left out of the conversation, Ted Cruz promised to not only be rude, but to be mean as well. "I promise that I'll be rude and mean to Muslim women and children as well, and Muslim grandmothers, too." Chris Christie, feeling left out, said, "I'll not only be rude to Muslim men, women, and children, but will kick their dogs, too." * * * * * * * * On the economy, 151,000 jobs were added in January; and the unemployment rate dropped to 4.9%. Outraged Republicans vowed to fight. Republicans huddled in private today to discuss ways to portray this news in the most negative light possible. "Month after month of job growth and low unemployment have been a real strain on our 'the sky is falling' strategy to scare the bejeezus out of everyone, Obamacare death panels, Benghazi, Muslims, Ebola, Email, gays and lesbians moving in next door; but we are blessed with some of the most negative, sociopathic, pessimistic, mordant, conniving, venal, vicious, gun toting, and downright dangerous people ever to run a political party, so we will find a way," said Republican Speaker of the House Paul Ryan. * * * * * * * * Re. Ted Cruz' eligibility to be President, a national consensus is developing: he is a natural born sociopath. Canada,though, declared a national day of celebration in honor of Ted Cruz' primary victory in Iowa. "We are very proud that a former Canadian citizen is on his way to winning the Presidency of the United States," said a Canadian government spokesperson who wished to remain anonymous. "This is a great achievement for a Canadian," she said. "Usually, we just win hockey games and the occasional Olympic medal in curling. The presidency of the United States was always thought to be unreachable for someone born in Calgary, Alberta. We do wish, however, that it was a different Canadian."* * * * * * * Rand Paul, male-gender-specific part-time cafeteria-libertarian, dumb person's idea of a smart person, son of Ron Paul, gold standard sky-is-falling quack, has dropped out of the Republican race....... Re. the Iowa Caucuses, Donald Trump complained that Ted Cruz "stole" the election by fraudulently claiming Ben Carson dropped out the race and by mailing an official looking document threatening non-voters with criminal penalties unless they voted for Cruz. On the Democratic side, there was a kerfuffle about Hillary Clinton winning so many coin flips in tied caucuses, six in a row, according to reports. The Denver Broncos were trying to get her to do the coin flip for tomorrow's Super Bowl 50. * * * * * * Here's a question for you all: why is it that after 49 years of Roman numerals, Super Bowl I, II, III, IV, V, VI,.......XXX, XXXI, etc.all the way to XLIX, with all its gladiatorial aspects, we suddenly have Super Bowl 50, in an Arabic numeral, and not Super Bowl L? Could it be that secret Muslim Barack Hussein Obama finally got his way? Probably.