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Thursday, February 18, 2016

Did all that really happen this week?

The week started with the death of Antonin Scalia and ended with a spat between Donald Trump and Pope Francis. In between, Republican candidates called each other names all night at the debate: "Liar, f***wad, a**hole, motherf******, pu***, son of a b****, c***sucker, dipsh**, turdface, pussy, moron, idiot, imbecile, stupidhead."* * * * * * * * Marco Rubio and Ted Cruz went at it in Spanish trying to show who disliked Mexicans more. * * * * * * * In other news, Glenn Beck called Donald Trump a "narcissist psychopath." Takes one to know one, I guess. Provide your own punchline for that one. * * * * * * * Ted Cruz made a campaign pledge to no longer allow gluten free food to be fed to soldiers. Somehow, that shows America is weak. Meanwhile, Jeb! Bush has former President G. W. Bush campaigning with him in South Carolina: George W. said, "I'd like to remind everyone that If it weren't for Justice Scalia on the Supreme Court and my brother Jeb! down there in Florida, I would not have been President. Heh. Heh. Heh." * * * * * * * * Conspiracy nuts are having a great time imagining that Justice Scalia was murdered either by President Obama or God himself. A Ted Cruz supporting radio pastor, Rick Wiles, said Justice Antonin Scalia was murdered by President Obama and was a human sacrifice to mark the pagan festival of Lupercalia. Wiles explained that the “Luciferian” “devil-worshipers” who control the government are out for blood, noting that Lupercalia is observed between February 13 and 15. Scalia’s body was discovered on the 13th. “There’s always human sacrifice involved,” he said, claiming that Scalia was “killed” to mark the beginning of pagan fascism ruling over the U.S." Sounds reasonable. * * * * * * * * Glenn Beck, on the other hand, says that the above was absurd and that God killed Justice Scalia so that people will vote for Ted Cruz. Makes sense. * * * * * * Re. the spat between Donald Trump and the Pope, and whether building a wall is Christian (the Pope thought not, and Donald took bombastic umbrage), the Vatican released a statement today from Pope Francis: "After prayerful consideration, I'd just like to say that Donald Trump is an arrogant jackass and I hope he chokes on a chicken bone." Later in the day Donald Trump said the Pope was a pussy.

1 Comments:

Blogger Greg Kosmicki said...

You just can't make this stuff up

7:44 PM  

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