In a leaked top secret CIA report, it was revealed today that ISIS has ordered 10,000 Stetson 6X Bar None Fur Felt Western Hats from Shepler's.com. The secret intercept revealed that ISIS is monitoring the Oregon takeover of the Malheur National Wildlife Refuge and believe the cowboy hats will confuse the United States into thinking they are just angry white cowboys from Arizona and Nevada and will take no action. This same secret intercept quoted an ISIS leader as saying, "To all ISIS jihadists: We don't fully understand the phenomenon, but even though cops shoot unarmed black kids on sight, it appears that if an armed terrorist in the US wears a cowboy hat, the US government will take no action. We are therefore ordering 10,000 cowboy hats in various sizes. And since most of you guys drive Ford F-150 pickups anyway, this should work well. And besides, the wide brims will hide your faces. Allahu Akbar and Yipee-yi-yo-kayah mother f*****." An anonymous source within the White House responded by saying, "Well, just because they wear cowboy hats doesn't mean they're not terrorists." * * * * * * * * A list of demands was sent from the Oregon bird sanctuary occupied by armed insurrectionists today: 1) the United States Federal Government must disband immediately ceding all authority in all matters to the states, 2) Clive Bundy should be able to graze his cattle free on other people's property, 3) all Federal prisoners should be immediately released, 4) five large pizzas with extra cheese and ten 2-litre bottles of Coke Zero, 5) 24 rolls of double-ply toilet paper, and 6) soap, toothbrushes, and toothpaste, and 7) forward all government disability/welfare/ subsidy checks of participating anti-government revolutionaries to this Oregon address. It was also reported that Cliven Bundy, father of two of the participants in the occupation, likes to refer to himself as Moroni, a Mormon prophet; the people who know him call him Moron for short. * * * * * * After an apparent North Korean nuclear test detected this week, Republicans were all frantic and worried and talking about megalomaniac, mentally unstable leaders with nuclear weapons. Holy cow, haven't they looked around at who is at the Republican Presidential debates? In an emergency session, yesterday, Republicans in Congress responded to the North Korean development by passing a bill to repeal Obamacare. "That'll show those North Koreans," House Speaker Paul Ryan said. * * * * * * * On a short break in my morning T -Th class today I went to the restroom and walking out, instead of turning left, I turned right, and walked into my M-W morning classroom and immediately noticed a wrong set of students. I apologized to the instructor and found my back to my T-Th classroom. It was a bit disorienting. In student papers this week, one complained that a friend of hers was a "wreck less" driver" and another one wrote that being on the high school wrestling team wasn't in the same ball park as being on the junior high wrestling team. Um, I suppose not.
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