Super Bowl L?

Politics of the week: In New Hampshire, Bernie Sanders was making political points against Hillary Clinton's $675,000 speaking fee she received from Goldman Sachs until Andy Borowitz revealed that Mr. Sanders received free checking with a $500 balance from a major national bank. * * * * * ** President Obama gave a speech at a Muslim mosque this week calling for respect and understanding for all Americans whatever their faith. Republicans, of course, went ballistic: Donald Trump, campaigning in New Hampshire, promised that if he is elected, he will be rude to American Muslims during his entire term of office. And Marco Rubio promised to be even ruder: "I will go out of my way to be ruder whenever possible, ruder than Mr. Trump, I promise. " Not to be left out of the conversation, Ted Cruz promised to not only be rude, but to be mean as well. "I promise that I'll be rude and mean to Muslim women and children as well, and Muslim grandmothers, too." Chris Christie, feeling left out, said, "I'll not only be rude to Muslim men, women, and children, but will kick their dogs, too." * * * * * * * * On the economy, 151,000 jobs were added in January; and the unemployment rate dropped to 4.9%. Outraged Republicans vowed to fight. Republicans huddled in private today to discuss ways to portray this news in the most negative light possible. "Month after month of job growth and low unemployment have been a real strain on our 'the sky is falling' strategy to scare the bejeezus out of everyone, Obamacare death panels, Benghazi, Muslims, Ebola, Email, gays and lesbians moving in next door; but we are blessed with some of the most negative, sociopathic, pessimistic, mordant, conniving, venal, vicious, gun toting, and downright dangerous people ever to run a political party, so we will find a way," said Republican Speaker of the House Paul Ryan. * * * * * * * * Re. Ted Cruz' eligibility to be President, a national consensus is developing: he is a natural born sociopath. Canada,though, declared a national day of celebration in honor of Ted Cruz' primary victory in Iowa. "We are very proud that a former Canadian citizen is on his way to winning the Presidency of the United States," said a Canadian government spokesperson who wished to remain anonymous. "This is a great achievement for a Canadian," she said. "Usually, we just win hockey games and the occasional Olympic medal in curling. The presidency of the United States was always thought to be unreachable for someone born in Calgary, Alberta. We do wish, however, that it was a different Canadian."* * * * * * * Rand Paul, male-gender-specific part-time cafeteria-libertarian, dumb person's idea of a smart person, son of Ron Paul, gold standard sky-is-falling quack, has dropped out of the Republican race....... Re. the Iowa Caucuses, Donald Trump complained that Ted Cruz "stole" the election by fraudulently claiming Ben Carson dropped out the race and by mailing an official looking document threatening non-voters with criminal penalties unless they voted for Cruz. On the Democratic side, there was a kerfuffle about Hillary Clinton winning so many coin flips in tied caucuses, six in a row, according to reports. The Denver Broncos were trying to get her to do the coin flip for tomorrow's Super Bowl 50. * * * * * * Here's a question for you all: why is it that after 49 years of Roman numerals, Super Bowl I, II, III, IV, V, VI,.......XXX, XXXI, etc.all the way to XLIX, with all its gladiatorial aspects, we suddenly have Super Bowl 50, in an Arabic numeral, and not Super Bowl L? Could it be that secret Muslim Barack Hussein Obama finally got his way? Probably.