Friday, January 22, 2016

New Language Discovered at Donald Trump Rally

In a stunning development, Sarah Palin has apparently created a new spoken language in her endorsement speech of Donald Trump this week in Iowa. "This is totally unexpected in a Presidential campaign," said one observer. "Usually, candidates will attempt to communicate with their audiences in comprehensible speech formats, but this word salad is different. We are familiar with rare instances where isolated feral siblings, especially twins, will develop a private language, but this is extremely rare. We can only theorize this is due to her time in Alaska separated from the stabilizing linguistic forces of the lower 48 states. This sort of thing usually happens deep in the Amazon rain forests, but in the middle of Iowa?" Although the crowd was cheering exuberantly, no one we talked to could actually repeat what she said. One Trump supporter said, "She was on a roll and I could tell she was excited, but I really didn't understand a word she said. But instead of criticizing her lack of oratorical skills, we should congratulate her on her creative linguistic achievement." * * * * * * * In response to this historic event, a team of linguistics experts are going over the tapes of Sarah Palin's endorsement speech investigating grammatic as well lexical features in that she used coinages the experts were not familiar with like "squirmishes." "We brought in the best of the best linguists, grammarians, and Proto-Indo-European language experts we could find in the country to crack this one," the group's leader, Professor Hermoine Wordsmithington said. "We are hopeful, that given enough time, we will be able to decipher these words to determine what, if any, meaning they might have, and if this language exists in written form. It is quite possible we have a language that exists solely in spoken form. We will have access to the best language computer programs in the world to ascertain the grammatic structure of what Ms. Palin said, if any. We will be consulting medical experts to see if she has a possible brain condition like schizophasia that might lead to these metaphoric bursts of images devoid of common grammatic markers found in most people's every day and educated speech patterns. An example to put this in context is synaesthesia in which auditory sensations can trigger visual color stimuli. * * * * * * * * Noam Chomsky, noted language expert, is so far completely stumped. "Even 'Colorless green ideas sleep furiously' was grammatically comprehensible if not semantically cogent," Noam said. "I wrote the book on deep structure, but this thing is a total head-scratcher." "We will be consulting with the best and brightest trackers of slang, argot, jargon, and pidgins looking for correlations that might provide illumination," Hermoine continued. "Religious experts in glossolalia, speaking in tongues, are being consulted as we speak to determine if some kind of religious possession took place. In the meantime, we are as mystified as anyone, but hopeful we will be able to determine if any decipherable utterances actually took place." She also cautioned that it is possible that no coherent message will ever be found. She also commented that surprisingly about the closest related examples they have come up with so far were from drug/alcohol induced trance-like poetry from the Beat Generation, aboriginal religious tribal utterances, Aramaic love poetry, and post-modern apocalyptic Alaskan back-country rap. Harvard Professor Steven Pinker,a psycho-linguistics authority, and one of our group, has suggested this might be a reversion to an earlier state of language development especially the pre-antecedent music theory cognition model. Steven went on to say that he was already planning to dedicate his next six books to this astounding phenomenon."


Blogger Greg Kosmicki said...

Ibadee ibadee ibadee, that's all folks! --Porky Pig

8:16 PM  

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