Friday, January 31, 2014

The State of the Union and Sitting in the Dark

President Obama delivered his State of the Union Address Tuesday night. The fractured Republican Party delivered 4 separate responses including a Republican Party response, Tea Party response, the "Rand Paul Response" on youtube, and a Spanish response................... The President's speech was pretty mild I thought and the Republican outrage machine is somewhat at a loss this week given President Obama's relatively benign speech......"It was so polite that only a handful of us could muster up the energy to call him a socialist dictator today," a spokesperson said today. "Even Benghazi has lost its luster. No one even called him a liar during his speech. Last year we were calling for his impeachment. But this morning --- nothing. It's really discouraging. We wanted red meat -- all we got was a tuna salad croissant." ................................. In the official Republican Party response, Congresswoman Cathy McMorris Rodgers, in her fuzzy and warm way, reminded us all that if you grow up in a family where both parents work hard on the family farm, do your chores, study hard, go to college, marry a retired Air Force Colonel, get elected to Congress, you too can live the American dream. It did turn out, though, that her Obamacare nightmare story turned out to be false (as is often the case). Republicans might get more traction if they used true stories instead of story after story after story that turns out to be false. I'm still trying to figure out why Republicans are more outraged that a person making $80,000 per year might have to pay $50 a month more for better insurance under Obamacare than they are that more than a dozen Republican Governors are denying expanded Medicaid coverage to nearly 5,000,000 Americans........................................ Overall, she was a nice woman speaks soothing platitudes w/o a single policy idea. She looked at the right camera and didn't sound nutty, so that's something. The unseemly picture of Republicans scrambling to have their picture taken with a Duck Dynasty "star" was disturbing. At least Ted Nugent wasn't there.......................... Kansas Congressman Tim Huelskamp, gave his own response to President Obama's State of the Union Address last night in an interview with MSNBC's Rachel Maddow: "BENGHAZI, BENGHAZI, BENGHAZI!!!" He seems genuinely demented and earnestly wacko............................. And Rand Paul, with his frothy hair and smarmy voice, reminded me of a 7th grader demanding that he shouldn't have to read Chaucer or Shakespeare in English class because that's a violation of his constitutional rights......................... Responding to the President's declaration that Global Warming is a fact of life now, Congressional Republicans today demanded answers to why it's cold in winter. And Congressional Republicans are again debating among themselves whether to pay for stuff they bought in their semi-annual debt ceiling temper tantrums.................................. In other news:.... In a difficult week for Republicans, they had to sit politely during the State of the Union Address by President Obama, applaud politely when he said we all live in American, are now confronting divided opinions on how shabbily to treat immigrants, women, Mexicans, and the unemployed, and now have to to deal with divisions which are emerging as to whom they will designate as the Anti-Christ: President Obama or Hilary Clinton. "A consensus had developed that Obama was the front-runner for the designation, but Hilary is emerging as a potent challenger for the largely honorary post," said a Republican theocrat. "It's embarrassing that we can't even agree on who the Anti-Christ is. Difficult days are approaching as our internal debate continues." Meanwhile, Oklahoma Republican theocrats, successfully placing a monument to Christianity on State Capitol grounds are considering which Satanic monument design will be approved. The current design leader is a large horned goat sitting on a throne with children at its feet. "It's a nice design," said a spokesperson from the Oklahoma Department of Religious Intrusion into Governmental Operations. "It should complement the monument to the Ten Commandments nicely." ................. I saw a statistic that there are about 18.5 million vacant houses in the US and about 3.5 million homeless people. We could give every homeless person 5 houses and still have a million empty houses................ In ongoing talks about the civil war in Syria, Syria defends its continuing destruction of entire rebel neighborhoods as "aggressive gentrification." "It's not unlike what goes on in many urban US cities," a Syrian military leader said as he order the obliteration of a 10 square block area in Damascus. "It's like Detroit."......................... And Andy Borowitz had a great line about Edward Snowden being nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize: "This makes up for not being named NSA Employee of the Month."................................ And finally on a personal note: I hate it when I'm sitting at the desk in my classroom before class grading papers or prepping and the motion-detector light switch thinks the room is empty because I'm not moving around enough and turns the lights off. I have to wave my arms like I'm signaling a jet landing on an aircraft carrier to turn them back on.

Saturday, January 25, 2014

The Blind Leading the Blind: Louis Gohmert, Justin Beiber, and President Putin

Republicans this week: one said women should "submit to their husbands," another discussed women's "libidos" at a major speech, one former Governor pleaded not guilty while declining a plea bargain which would have spared his wife from a separate corruption trial, another is being investigated by federal prosecutors and legislative committees for corruption and abuse of power charges, a candidate in a primary called for the hanging of President Obama, a wealth political donor was indicted for campaign contribution fraud, and none of them can figure out why winter is cold........................... Stupid Hypocrite of the Week Award goes to Congressman Louis Gohmert of Texas who voted during the ACA debate to require Congress, the President, and all Congressional Staff to purchase health insurance through the federal insurance exchanges and now refuses to do so and blames Obamacare for his lack of health insurance................... Meanwhile, Obamacare has now provided over 3,000,000 Americans with health insurance through these same exchanges, many more millions are being covered by the Medicaid expansions in the states, and another Republican Governor decided to expand Medicaid in Utah,......................... Nebraska weather is weird - despite below zero temps in the last few days, the temperatures have spiked up just enough so that I have played golf twice in the last week. And Nebraska is considering a new state slogan to replace "Nebraska - The Good Life." Among alternatives I've heard: Nebraska - Where South Dakota Ends, Nebraska - We Have a Zoo, Nebraska - It Could be Worse, Nebraska - At Least We're not Kansas....... I'm sure the folks who dream up slogans will do better. .................... The Russian Sochi Olympics is a progressive disaster so far with Russian President Putin's repressive anti-gay policies, the terrorist threats, the demonstrations, etc. I read somewhere the death toll already is at 25...... All of this for some bobsled racing and skiing.......................... I saw a report that Andrea Mitchell, on her own MSNBC television news program, interrupted a panel discussion on her show about the National Security Administration and spying on Americans to bring us a special report on the arrest of Justin Beiber. I've never been able to determine just who he is .

Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Republicans Plan Bridge Closing Hearings

House Republican Oversight Committee Chairman Darrel Issa announced today that he will hold hearings in the George Washington Bridge lane closure scandal affecting New Jersey Republican Governor Chris Christie. "We pretty sure President Obama is behind it," he said. "There's no evidence at all for this, but that's not what we are about." Issa said they'd also hold hearings on the West Virginia toxic waste spill which affected 300,000 residents as well. "We think President Obama is behind that as well," Issa said. "It appears that it is a deliberate attempt to show that what happens when there is poor regulation of toxic chemicals near drinking water plants is a reason to have more regulation of toxic chemicals near drinking water plants. That's just the way his mind works." Finally, Issa said, they'd be holding hearings on the proliferation of texting in movie theaters and the danger they pose to innocent citizens in our public areas. "The recent murder in Florida clearly illustrates the dangers of texting while armed gun nuts are in the area. Something must be done about this wanton texting that is occuring. We will be looking at the possibility of back ground checks, limiting the number of characters on the keyboards, or banning the high capacity texting electronics out there. It appears that anyone can get a high capacity texting electronic with virtually no accountability. Mentally ill people are freely texting, for example. There's not even a waiting period. I understand you can just walk into a store and purchase these devices. People have taken the First Amendment completely to absurd limits as far as texting goes. With as many guns as there are out there, people should exercise extreme caution when texting."

Friday, January 10, 2014

Special Chris Christie Report

Governor Chris Christie is denying any knowledge of the scandal related to the closing of the George Washington Bridge between Fort Lee, New Jersey and New York City. Christie appeared contrite, which is a bit of an oxymoron, but seemed more Reaganesque as well: "I had no idea Colonel Oliver North was in the White House selling weapons to Iran to get money to finance the overthrow of a democratically elected government in Nicaragua."........................... And according to Andy Borowitz: at a press conference, New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie offered another defense as he denied any involvement in the bridge-closing scandal: "At the time the decision was made, I was busy shouting at a teacher."........................ Embattled New Jersey Governor Chris Christie announced today he is hiring Dennis Rodman as his new Assistant Chief of Staff to replace the one he just fired. "I like how he has handled his North Korean trips," said the Governor. "The addition of Dennis, if he stops drinking, doing drugs, and gets enough sleep, should be an improvement here.".............................. House Republican Oversight Committee Chairman Darrel Issa said his committee will investigate President Obama's role in shutting down the George Washington Bridge. "We think he was in on it," Issa said. "Don't you remember how palsy-walsy he and Christie were after the Hurricane Sandy? Talk about your smoking gun. There's more evidence on this than there has been on any other scandal we've tried to blame the President for. We're pretty sure it's related to Obamacare."............................... But there was some good News for President Obama: In what may signal a turn around for the President's political fortunes in 2014, a new book by right-wing pastor of the First Baptist Church in Dallas, Texas, Robert Jefress, while disagreeing with virtually everything the President has done, and while maintaining that Obama is paving the way for the antichrist, claims Obama is "certainly not the antichrist." A White House spokesperson said: "Sometimes we just have to take good news where we find it."........................... Rule of politics: When your best defense is "I had no idea what my people were doing," that's bad. But Governor Christie did release the conclusion of "traffic study." -- If you close lanes on the most used bridge in the world for political retribution against a Mayor who didn't endorse you, and then try to cover it up later, you're going to be in a heap o' trouble........................... Instead of broadcasting Governor Christie's two hour press conference, Fox News showed reruns of their old false reporting on Benghazi........................ And today Sarah Palin commented on Gov. Chris Christie's bridge problem: "Gosh, in this wonderful time of thankfulness for our great republic based under God's Bill of Rights as written by Moses on a tablet, I can only think our great leader George Washington didn't tell a lie and then a bridge between two great states didn't chop down that cherry tree. And gosh, my wonderful children, who could see Russia from that bridge in Alaska, but it's not, and a genuine patriot like the Gov., who should probably exercise and take walks around the block, God bless America."

Saturday, January 04, 2014

Breaking News and a few thoughts on the year

Here's an Andy Rooney question for you: Why is it that those climate change deniers who say cold weather in winter disproves global warming don't claim that hot weather in summer proves it? Scientist answers question "How can you say global warming is occurring when it's so cold outside?" A: "We have a scientific term for this phenomenon: it's called winter." **************************A surprisingly large number of American conservative Catholics don't believe Pope Francis understands Christianity....************** I found a website where I can get a PhD for $29.99. I may go back to school this year! ************************* One hundred million Americans are moving to Colorado today. *********************************** Nearly one half of all Republicans now deny evolution: some days I think we have to be the stupidest f****** country on the planet; other days I think we're fourth or fifth stupidest. *************************************** Political observation: year after year after year Republicans block, thwart, filibuster, sabotage, and undermine every effort made by President Obama and Democrats to make things better, so they can then complain about how bad everything is. ************************************************** Breaking News: Donald Trump claims Ted Cruz' Canadian birth certificate is a forgery by Canadian officials in order to thwart Ted Cruz presidential ambitions and is sending the same detective agency to Calgary to investigate that he earlier sent to Hawaii. "Canada is obviously covering up the facts of the falsified Canadian birth certificate, and went so far as to plant phony birth stories in the Ottowa Daily back in Dec. of 1970, after his Cuban father and American mother plotted to have Ted run for President in 2016," Trump said. "We are also investigating the suspicious circumstances regarding the death of Myrtl Cabanac, the Alberta, Canada, Registrar of Documents, who died at the age of 93, in 2011, the year before Ted Cruz was elected to the US Senate. She had been in perfect health until he suffered a stroke in 2008, a heart attack in 2009, had COPD, went into a coma in 2010, and was finally taken off life support just before Ted Cruz was sworn into office as a US Senator. Clearly a massive cover-up of a national conspiracy is taking place," Trump said. "I'll get to the bottom of this no matter what it takes. Such anti-American behavior by our neighbor to the north is vile and despicable." ******************************** Breaking News: The Republican National Committee announced today it was firing Reince Priebus as Chairman and will replace him with Phil Robertson of the A & E reality show, Duck Dynasty. "Although this will hurt us with virtually every demographic except conservative white men, this is the direction the party is going, so we think this is a good move," said David Duke, former KKK leader and new head of the minority outreach program for the Republican party. "And his outreach to young voters, particularly unmarried 15 year old girls, is particularly noteworthy." *************************************** Things that make you go Huh? Senator Ted Cruz in Jan. 2013 - We need to shut down the government to force the repeal of Obamacare. Ted Cruz in Feb.. 2013 - We need to shut down the government to force the repeal of Obamacare. Ted Cruz in Mar. 2013 - We need to shut down the government to force the repeal of Obamacare. Ted Cruz in Apr. 2013 - We need to shut down the government to force the repeal of Obamacare. Ted Cruz in May 2013 - We need to shut down the government to force the repeal of Obamacare. Ted Cruz in June 2013 - We need to shut down the government to force the repeal of Obamacare. Ted Cruz in July 2013 - We need to shut down the government to force the repeal of Obamacare. Ted Cruz in Aug. 2013 - We need to shut down the government to force the repeal of Obamacare. Ted Cruz in Sept.. 2013 - We need to shut down the government to force the repeal of Obamacare. Ted Cruz in Oct. 2013 - We need to shut down the government to force the repeal of Obamacare. Ted Cruz in Nov. 2013 - Well, I never said it would work. Ted Cruz in Dec. 2013 - I had nothing to do with shutting down the government. It was Obama's fault. ******************************************** Seasonal irony - The same folks who get their panties in a bunch about taking the Christ out of Christmas are the ones who take the "holy" out of "holidays." Have a Happy Dog New Year! Bud