Friday, March 13, 2020

My Journal of the Plague, Spring Quarter at Metropolitan Community College, Day 5 - Humor

Black humor, gallows humor, dark humor. A few examples: What’s the worst time to have a heart attack? During a game of charades. I want to die peacefully like Grandpa in his sleep not yelling and screaming like the passengers in his car. A man was having a heart attack at a bar when a patron yelled out, "Does anyone know CPR." The place went silent, then a drunk at the back yelled out "I do... I even know the whole alphabet." Everybody laughed. Well except for this one guy. Good news: there is golf in heaven. Bad news: You have a noon tee time tomorrow. Q. What’s the mortality rate around here? A. 100%. Old man goes to the doctor. The doctor says “The test results are back, and I’m sad to say you have cancer and Alzheimer’s.” The old man says “Phew! At least it’s not cancer!” They say Chuck Norris’s tears cure cancer, too bad he doesn’t cry.

Per Wikipedia: “Sigmund Freud, in his 1927 essay Humour (Der Humor), puts forth the following theory of black comedy: "The ego refuses to be distressed by the provocations of reality, to let itself be compelled to suffer. It insists that it cannot be affected by the traumas of the external world; it shows, in fact, that such traumas are no more than occasions for it to gain pleasure." Think Monty Python’s “The Bright Side of Life.”

It didn’t take long for Covid-19 jokes to appear:

John Travolta was hospitalized for suspected Covid-19, but doctors now confirm it was just Saturday Night Fever, and they assure everyone that he is Staying Alive.
Back in my day, there was so much toilet paper, people used to literally string it up in trees of their enemies.
How appropriate that this president may be brought down by a Chinese flu named after a Mexican beer.
The World Health Organization has announced that dogs cannot contract Covid-19. Dogs in quarantine can now be released. To be clear, WHO let the dogs out.
I was at the bank this morning when three masked men walked in.............PANIC............but when they said, “This a robbery,” we all calmed down.
Due to panic-buying, Walmart has opened Register #3.
Some people aren’t shaking hands because of the coronavirus; I’m not shaking hands because you can’t buy toilet paper anymore.
Doc: I’m sorry but you have Covid-19. Me: That can’t be true. I have 200 rolls of toilet paper.
I’ll add more as we go.


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