Tuesday, December 25, 2012

An Apocalypse message on this Day of Hope from Pat Robertson and Wayne LaPierre

"The apocalypse industry suffered major setbacks in Dec. 2012 but hopes to bounce back in 2013," said Apocalypses "R" Us spokesperson Pat Robertson, former Republican Presidential candidate and ongoing Armageddon/Rapture hopeful. "With Wayne LaPierre arming half the lunatics in the country with assault rifles, sea levels rising at an unprecedented rate inundating coastal areas, more and more major hurricanes, tornadoes, and droughts, a Republican Party focused on next year's debt ceiling debate in which they will threaten the world's economy in order to take medicine away from sick children, old people, and single mothers, things are looking up! We'll be working with Karl Rove and Frank Luntz to make it sound more appealing, but it should be a total disaster next year. We'll have Faux News on our side and might even bring in Dick Morris to do our polling." Two promising fronts for us are the upcoming debt ceiling debate, in which Republicans will threaten to plunge the world economy into depression unless we cut payments to old sick people and anemic children so we can give more tax breaks to multimillionaires and the military/industrial/ political classes. And secondly, the NRA will be sponsoring the children's massacre of the month in 2013. "We are working on even larger magazines for AR-15's -- we hope to develop a super-magazine with a 1,000 round capacity," said NRA's chief lobbyist LaPierre. "Try to stop that," he said proudly. The NRA will announce it will expand its purview to include the right to own tactical nuclear weapons. "Just the small ones, though," said LaPierre. "We're not crazy." "As a continuing sign that all is not lost for the Apocalyptists, Doomsday Preppers are busy inventing booby trapped underground bunkers and stocking up ammo to kill their neighbors," Robertson said. "If that's not a sign that something is wrong, I don't know what is." "On this day of hope," Robertson and LaPierre went on to say, "we just need to remember that the Tea Party Republicans will be doing everything in their power to ruin everything. It's a bit bewildering not to have an apocalypse date we can look forward to," they said. " But rest assured we have many people working round the clock to totally f*** things up." Merry Christmas ps. from Bud: If you need to carry an M-16, join the f****** army.