NRA wants Nukes

The gun industry lobby (NRA) proposed elimination of all gun laws in its testimony to Congress this week, "Since only good people follow the law, we now are proposing the elimination of all gun laws to be replaced by one law: the Law of the Jungle. We are now withdrawing our long-standing support for universal background checks. Anyone should able to purchase any weapon anywhere: gun shops, gun shows, on the internet, out of trunks of cars in back alleys. "Another way to look at this is that we want mass shootings by deranged individuals with military assault weapons to be replaced with large gun battles by multiple well armed individuals with military assault weapons -- in schools, in theaters, in shopping malls, everywhere. The gun industry stands ready to do our patriotic duty in supplying hundreds of thousands of new military assault weapons to a gun-starved nation. We will be building hundreds of new gun manufacturing plants along with the necessary capacity to provide millions and millions of rounds of every type of ammunition conceivable: from hollow point to armor piercing to exploding. That WalMart had to limit ammunition sales to three boxes per day this week is a slap in the face to all of us and a wake up call in the defense of our freedom. "Only by providing the possibility of mass carnage on an unimagined scale can we realize the vision of the Founding Fathers. Only by the complete militarization of society where people live in the fear of pitched gun battles in our public places can those of us preparing our underground booby-trapped survivalist bunkers feel safe from the tyranny of the erosion of our freedoms by the monarchist regimes exercising thought-control over the masses when we give up our God given sovereignty to United Nations, per Agenda 21. "The Second Amendment is a God-given right, except for that 'well-regulated militia" language ignored by the 2008 Heller case. Clearly, the Founding Fathers were channeling God himself. And we believe this means the right to have the same weapons our government has for not only is self-defense is covered by the Second Amendment, but also the right to overthrow our tyrannical government. We must have the magazine and manufacturing capacity to not only turn our schools into killing zones but the ability to launch pre-emptive nuclear strikes against the oppressive regime of tyranny. "If the Sandy Hook principal had had tactical nukes, does anyone think that kid with the machine gun would have mowed down all those 5 year olds?" NRA/gun industry lobbyist Wayne Lapierre asked. "Not on your life. It's called Mutually Assured Destruction - MAD. We all need to go stark raving MAD. That policy brought down the Soviet Union and the NRA is proud to lead the nation into total MADness." Lapierre went on to say, " We've got to be just a crazy and well armed as the bad guys. I mean look at Ted Nugent. He's as crazy as a f****** loon, certified stark raving MAD, and should probably be institutionalized, or at the very least, medicated, and he's on the NRA Board. And nobody even knows how many weapons he has. For all we know, he eats live chickens. Can you imagine Ted Nugent with nuclear weapons. That'd be awesome. After all, at the NRA we say, 'We don't want massacres, we want gun battles. We want mushroom clouds.'"

Summary of Benghazi Testimony 1 -23-13

Republican #1 - Isn't it true Secretary Clinton that you were wrong in your initial assessment that the attack in Benghazi was a part of the spontaneous demonstrations that took place in Egypt and other countries on that day, but that in fact the attack in Benghazi was an attack by well-armed militants? Secretary Clinton - Yes, we were wrong in our initial assessments and as we gathered the facts we reported that the attack was in fact an attack by well-armed militants. Perhaps you could read the report. Democrat #1 - Secretary Clinton, thank you for doing a wonderful job. The world is a better place because of your efforts in this administration. Secretary Clinton - Thank you................................................ Republican #2 - Isn't it true Secretary Clinton that you were wrong in your initial assessment that the attack in Benghazi was a part of the spontaneous demonstrations that took place in Egypt and other countries on that day, but that in fact the attack in Benghazi was an attack by well-armed militants? Secretary Clinton - Yes, we were wrong in our initial assessments and as we gathered the facts we reported that the attack was in fact an attack by well-armed militants. Perhaps you could read the report I mentioned to the first Senator. Democrat #2 - Secretary Clinton, thank you for doing a wonderful job. The world is a better place because of your efforts in this administration. Secretary Clinton - Thank you....................................................... Republican #3 - Isn't it true Secretary Clinton that you were wrong in your initial assessment that the attack in Benghazi was a part of the spontaneous demonstrations that took place in Egypt and other countries on that day, but that in fact the attack in Benghazi was an attack by well-armed militants? Secretary Clinton - Yes, we were wrong in our initial assessments and as we gathered the facts we reported that the attack was in fact an attack by well-armed militants. Perhaps you could read the report I mentioned to the first Senator and second Senator. Democrat #3 - Secretary Clinton, thank you for doing a wonderful job. The world is a better place because of your efforts in this administration. Secretary Clinton - Thank you................................................... Republican #4 - Isn't it true Secretary Clinton that you were wrong in your initial assessment that the attack in Benghazi was a part of the spontaneous demonstrations that took place in Egypt and other countries on that day, but that in fact the attack in Benghazi was an attack by well-armed militants? Secretary Clinton - Yes, we were wrong in our initial assessments and as we gathered the facts we reported that the attack was in fact an attack by well-armed militants. Are you listening to me? Perhaps you could read the same f****** report I've mentioned three times now and has been sitting on your f****** desk for a month. Democrat #4 - Secretary Clinton, thank you for doing a wonderful job. The world is a better place because of your efforts in this administration. Secretary Clinton - Thank you......................................................... Republican #5 - Isn't it true Secretary Clinton that you were wrong in your initial assessment that the attack in Benghazi was a part of the spontaneous demonstrations that took place in Egypt and other countries on that day, but that in fact the attack in Benghazi was an attack by well-armed militants? Secretary Clinton - Yes, we were wrong in our initial assessments and as we gathered the facts we reported that the attack was in fact an attack by well-armed militants. Jesus H. Christ. Are you people deaf. For the fifth f****** time now perhaps you could read the report I've mentioned five times now that's been sitting on your f****** desk you thick-headed numbnut. Democrat #5 - Secretary Clinton, thank you for doing a wonderful job. The world is a better place because of your efforts in this administration. Secretary Clinton - Thank you.................................................. Republican #6 - Isn't it true Secretary Clinton that you were wrong in your initial assessment that the attack in Benghazi was a part of the spontaneous demonstrations that took place in Egypt and other countries on that day, but that in fact the attack in Benghazi was an attack by well-armed militants? Secretary Clinton - Yes, we were wrong in our initial assessments and as we gathered the facts we reported that the attack was in fact an attack by well-armed militants. Are you guys stupid? Read the f****** report. Or can't you f****** read. Perhaps you could have one of your f****** aides the report and give you a f****** summary. I can't believe you're a f****** Senator. Democrat #6 - Secretary Clinton, thank you for doing a wonderful job. The world is a better place because of your efforts in this administration. Secretary Clinton - Thank you............................................. Republican #7 - Isn't it true Secretary Clinton that you were wrong in your initial assessment that the attack in Benghazi was a part of the spontaneous demonstrations that took place in Egypt and other countries on that day, but that in fact the attack in Benghazi was an attack by well-armed militants? Secretary Clinton - Yes, we were wrong in our initial assessments and as we gathered the facts we reported that the attack was in fact an attack by well-armed militants. I give up. You guys have got to be some of the f****** dumbest sacks of hair blow-hard windbags in the history of the United States Senate. Not only are you the stupidest f****** Senators in the history of the world, the people who elected you must be among the stupidest people in the f****** world. Oh, you're from Kentucky. I see. Democrat #7 - Secretary Clinton, thank you for doing a wonderful job. The world is a better place because of your efforts in this administration. Secretary Clinton - Thank you..................................................... Republican #8 - Isn't it true Secretary Clinton that you were wrong in your initial assessment that the attack in Benghazi was a part of the spontaneous demonstrations that took place in Egypt and other countries on that day, but that in fact the attack in Benghazi was an attack by well-armed militants? Secretary Clinton - Yes, we were wrong in our initial assessments and as we gathered the facts we reported that the attack was in fact an attack by well-armed militants. Perhaps you could read the report. You're as stupid as that f****** moron from Kentucky who said he'd fire me. Like he'll ever get the f****** chance. Please get me out of here. This is ridiculous. Democrat #8 - Secretary Clinton, thank you for doing a wonderful job. The world is a better place because of your efforts in this administration. Secretary Clinton - Thank you........................................................ Republican #9 - Isn't it true Secretary Clinton that you were wrong in your initial assessment that the attack in Benghazi was a part of the spontaneous demonstrations that took place in Egypt and other countries on that day, but that in fact the attack in Benghazi was an attack by well-armed militants? Secretary Clinton - Yes, we were wrong in our initial assessments and as we gathered the facts we reported that the attack was in fact an attack by well-armed militants. Wait, let me guess. You didn't read the report either. I give up. Democrat #9 - Secretary Clinton, thank you for doing a wonderful job. The world is a better place because of your efforts in this administration. Secretary Clinton - Thank you......................................................... Republican #10 - Isn't it true Secretary Clinton that you were wrong in your initial assessment that the attack in Benghazi was a part of the spontaneous demonstrations that took place in Egypt and other countries on that day, but that in fact the attack in Benghazi was an attack by well-armed militants? Secretary Clinton - Yes, we were wrong in our initial assessments and as we gathered the facts we reported that the attack was in fact an attack by well-armed militants. Perhaps you could read the report. I'm outta here. Democrat #10 - Secretary Clinton, thank you for doing a wonderful job. The world is a better place because of your efforts in this administration. Secretary Clinton - Thank you. Chairman of the Committee - This hearing is adjourned.

Thoughts on Inauguration Day 2013

What would Martin Luther King have thought today as we inaugurated a black guy with Hussein as his middle name for his 2nd term as President, a white guy as Vice-President, a Jewish Senator from New York as emcee, Medgar Evers' widow giving the invocation, a gay guy reading his poem about America, a Mormon Tabernacle choir, an aging balding white guy, a young blond woman, and a young black popstar singing their songs, and a Guatemalan immigrant Episcopal priest giving the benediction? I'm guessing he'd be pleased. One surreal moment of Inauguration events: Eric Cantor presents lead crystal vases to President and Mrs. Obama and Vice-President and Mrs. Biden. House Republican Leader John Boehner is attending the Inaugural Lunch. I bet he's packing TUMS. I heard a US Representative gun advocate arguing that the 2nd Amendment was a God-given right. Hmmmmm. If that were true, wouldn't that have been the 2nd Commandment instead of Amendment? In fact, making an idol of the 2nd Amendment seems to be a violation of the 2nd Commandment..... Food for thought as we wait for the next mass shooting. Republicans, with a few exceptions, abandoned Washington DC today in about the same proportion as they have abandoned reason, science, dignity, and comity during the last ten years. In an apparent shift of Republican House strategy on the debt ceiling, they will no longer threaten to shoot themselves in the foot unless they get their way, they will just beg for stuff........"So, it turns out that the Koch Brothers, the Chamber of Commerce, and Wall Street didn't want us to crash the world economy," Paul Ryan sheepishly reported. "Who knew? I guess we read those tea leaves wrongly. That was our only leverage. Since we really don't have any ideas ourselves., we are back to square one. For a short time, we even thought about proposing identifiable spending cuts, but nobody wanted to go first." Senate Republicans, after hearing their various party members threaten to impeach the President, dismantle the New Deal, end the income tax, and secede from the union, are all bent out of shape that Democrats might pass a rule that if you want to filibuster, you have to talk. House Republicans are now deciding whether to even come back to Washington.

Reality Detachment Epistemic Closure Assault Weapon Freakout Syndrome

The National Center for Disease Control is reporting outbreaks of both the flu and a new airborne pathogen: Reality Detachment Epistemic Closure Assault Weapon Freakout Syndrome which is characterized by weapon and ammunition hoarding, conspiracy theory attraction, revolutionary rhetoric, hysteria, and the building of booby-trapped bunkers prepping for "the big one." Symptoms also include delusions that the massacre at Sandy Hook did not actually occur; or, in a mutated state, that although the killing of 20 children did occur, it was the result of a left-wing conspiracy to murder children so that the socialist dictator monarchy of President Obama could take their guns away. They also believe that their interpretation of the US Constitution is the only legitimate one as they are the keepers of divine authority and are "channeling" the founding fathers, who they say wanted every white person to have an assault weapon. Stay tuned for more breaking news on this issue.