Friday, October 30, 2015

And that's the way it is............

My proposal for the next Repub debate is that there be no moderators. Just the candidates on stage and they have to self-organize the event. We might be able to see who is a leader, who orchestrates communication, who commands respect, who has legitimate ideas, who can organize other people, who is an idiot, etc. What happened the other night advanced only the last item on my list. * * * * * * * * * So far, Ben Carson says he doesn't stab people with knives anymore and Ted Cruz says he doesn't drive drunk. I guess that's something. I cannot, however, think of any circumstances whatsoever where I would want Ted Cruz to drive me home..........* * * * * * * * * * *I've got to admit that tears came to my eyes when Donald Trump revealed his dad would only loan him $1 million. That's rough.* * * * * * * * * * * More on the Republican debate: Fact checking organizations took a severe hit the other night as every one of their computers spontaneously combusted. "It was just too much for out computers to take. Virtually every phrase in every sentence of every candidate contain a fib, a dissembling, a brazen outright lie, or a fantasy. From supply side economics (we need to give the rich more tax breaks) and our tax plans do not add to the deficits, to flim-flam dietary supplements (Ben Carson says he had no relationship with Mannatech), our computers were simply overwhelmed with mendacity. We hope to be up and running in time for the next debate." * * * * * * * I long for the bucolic and sylvan days of yesteryore when I thought doctors were smart people. And, finally, ponder this for a while: more preschoolers are killed by guns than are police officers.

Saturday, October 24, 2015

Special Hillary Clinton Edition

Breaking news: Hillary Clinton announced tonight that she has dropped out of the Presidential race. "It dawned on me today as I sat in that House hearing room that I'd have to work with those ass***** in Congress every f****** day for eight years. Look what that did to Barack. He looks 20 years older than when he went in. I've got better things to do than waste my time talking every day to emtpy headed idiots like that who wouldn't know a fact if it fell from a twelve story building and landed on their head. I can't believe they ever got elected in the first place. The stupidity was overwhelming. I will fully support Bernie Sanders. He already looks 20 years older." * * * * * * * * * Just kidding. * * * * * * * * I'm still stuck on Ch. 5 of my novel, "Has Anybody Seen My Picasso," but I have a new title for a second one based upon a line of questioning at the recent House Select Committee on Benghazi: "Hillary Slept Alone." My brother Jerry suggested an opening line: After waking from a nightmare that seemed to drag on for months, Hillary heard a raspy voice whisper, "Hey, Baby." She elbowed him, mumbled, "F#*k off," rolled over, and went back to sleep. . . .* * * * * * * * * * It's got to be frustrating for those Republican members who believe Hillary Clinton eats live babies for lunch with Satan to come away from her 11 hours of testimony on Benghazi and learn nothing............"I cannot believe she's not guilty of something; we just can't find it," said one Republican staffer. "But we've got an unlimited budget and a year and half now to prepare for her impeachment hearing on her first day as President." * * * * * * * * * Other breaking news from the 11 hour testimony of Hillary Clinton: Ambassador to Libya did not know Hillary's home address.........A guy named Sidney Blumenthal sends Hillary Clinton email........Hillary slept alone on the night of the Benghazi attack................These three items are the only new information elicited during those eleven hours. * * * * * * * Conspiracy theorists on the far right Republican side are now claiming that the seven Republican led Congressional investigations of Benghazi are actually a plot by Democrats to make Hillary Clinton look presidential. "Democrats knew we would be rude ass*****, make wild, preposterous accusations, ask ridiculous inane questions having nothing to do with Benghazi, go off on wild tangents that went nowhere, and look stupid, all the while making her look calm, composed, wise, rational, and well, presidential; and yet the Democrats just stood by and let us continue investigation after investigation, hearing after hearing even though we found no wrong doing by anyone, just a tragic outcome in a dangerous outpost. We have been unfairly duped by the Democrats," a Republican Congressman from Kansas said today. "This whole mess is their fault." * * * * * * * * * Global warming related or not, the headline that the "most powerful hurricane ever" was about to clobber Mexico got my attention. * * * * * * * * In other political news, Ben Carson, who wants to transform The Department of Education into a state apparatus to monitor speech on college campuses, now leads Donald Trump in Iowa in two separate polls. Weep for the Nation. * * * * * * * * * Some guy named Lincoln Chafee dropped out of the Democratic presidential race. * * * * * * * * * More preschoolers are killed by guns than are police officers. * * * * * * * * I am still taking orders for my 2016 Art by Cassiday wall calendars, and as a special offer, I am adding one free bonus day to February! That's right, for no extra charge, I am adding an entire day, a full 24 hours, for you to enjoy on Feb. 29. Avoid March 1, for one full day. This offer will not occur again until 2020, so act fast! 11 x 17 in. $20. email me at

Friday, October 16, 2015

Bloggus Interruptus

My regular weekly blog was interrupted by two family matters recently. My mother, 90, required emergency abdominal surgery two weeks ago. A foot was removed from her small intestine (how that foot got there, nobody knows). She has recovered nicely, was moved to a rehab facility a week ago, and is being prepped to be sent home. Today, a rehab person will be looking at mother's apartment to suggest ways we can make her apartment more "user friendly." So it won't be long. The other family event was a wedding last weekend in Kansas City. My niece Rachael wed her Anthony, father of their young Anthony III. She was beautiful and Anthony was handsome and their son is a source of joy for them. I met many of Anthony's wonderful family. With my mother in the last phases of her life and my niece starting a new phase of hers, it has been an interesting emotional time and space. * * * * * * * * * * I'm still processing Nebraska's 2 win and 4 loss start to the season, and in deference to all those who said Mike Riley was a great pick, and considering NU has been ahead or tied in all six games with no more than 15 seconds left in every stinking one of them, I'll just say he's most certainly the unluckiest coach in Nebraska college football history. I am also living with the realization that my prediction we would go 5 W and 7 L may have been wildly optimistic. * * * * * * * * * * * * The new Select Republican Congressional Committee to Produce Fake Planned Parenthood videos is requesting $20 million for photoshop training for its newly hired staff. "The fake videos we have produced in the past have simply not lived up the standards of deception and dishonesty we strive for," said a spokesperson. "We envision sending scores of our staff people out to make fake videos of a quality heretofore unseen." * * * * * * * * * * For me, the most important take away from the other night's Democratic debate was the realization that no one up there on the stage would, at any moment, say something so mind-bendingly, astoundingly stupid that the entire nation would roll their eyes back in their heads simultaneously and then weep for the Republic. For that, we have to wait for the next Republican debate. * * * * * * * * * * No more nude photos in Playboy? What? What's this world coming to anyway? I'm thinking those predictions about last week's apocalypse may have turned out to be true. * * * * * * * * * * * * So last week, two neighbor boys were playing catch with football in the yard behind ours and the ball ended up in our backyard. Carefully considering their options, the boys decided not to open the gate and walk in to retrieve the football, or knocking on the door to accomplish the same. Instead, they decided to throw rocks at the porch window to get our attention (not knowing, of course, that no one was home). What could possibly go wrong? Well, as you might imagine, a good sized rock broke a storm window and an inner window on the porch. The father of one of the boys wrote a note of explanation and got it to us. They have since gotten the glass replaced and I reinstalled them and all is well. I told the father that that was definitely a "boy idea." * * * * * * * * * * Republican Kevin McCarthy said of his dropping out of the race for Speaker of the House: "I am quitted for racing of Speaking to Houses. God in America today United States am greatness Benghazistan." * * * * * * * * Ben Carson has apparently decided to campaign for President part-time now and is instead going on a book tour to sell his book. Listening to him, I had no idea brain surgeons could be so f****** stupid. * * * * * * ** * * * * Finally, I am taking orders for my new 2016 Art by Bud Cassiday wall calendars. They are 11 x 17 in., feature all new dates, and Feb. 29 included for no extra charge! $20.

Friday, October 02, 2015

Just Another Massacre

The massacres of children and students is a price ammo-sexual gun fetishists are willing to pay.......and as we process yet another senseless act of mass violence, remember that guns don't kill people, people with guns kill people: kids with guns, young black gang bangers with guns, white racists with guns, mentally ill people with guns, drifters with guns, domestic abusers with guns, criminals, black and white, with guns, disaffected radicalized white racist teens with guns, disaffected radicalized religious extremists with guns, sociopaths with guns, Aryan nation militia separatists with guns, careless neighbors with guns, disgruntled former employees with guns, drunken morons with guns, ammosexual gun fetishists with lots and lots of guns, compensatory chickenhawk-over-eager-wanna-be soldiers with guns, paranoid secessionists with guns, racist cops with guns, poorly trained cops with guns, drug dealers with guns...............if only there were a common factor we could identify and address........ * * * * * * * As is our custom after a massacre, the country will enter a 3-day period of mourning - which will be followed by an extended time of denial, wringing of hands claiming nothing can be done, and political bickering-- until the next one at which time we will start over. * * * * * * * * * The NRA announced today a 10 year plan to move the needle on gun deaths. "In 2010, the latest years for which we have casualty statistics, there were 11,708 gun homicides in the U.S. and 606 accidental gun deaths," said an NRA spokesperson. "We are convinced that we can reverse that trend and move us toward a world in which accidental gun deaths equal and exceed gun homicides by the year 2025. The NRA is committed to a world in which a child is far more likely to be accidentally shot and killed by a loved one or an underage sibling playing with a handgun than by a deranged, mentally unstable, sociopath with an AR-15. This is our vision. The NRA and the gun industry will pledge to increase our production and sales from the current 5,000,000 weapons each year to 10,000,000. With that additional 50,000,000 new guns introduced into our country in the next 10 years, we believe accidental deaths will approach if not exceed the numbers of gun homicides. Only in America is this an achievable goal." * * * * * * * Today the nation struggles with idea that 300,000,000 guns in the United States has anything to do with gun violence. * * * * * * * In politics: House Speaker candidate Kevin McCarthy congratulated the House Select Committee on Benghazi for bringing down Hilary Clinton's poll numbers. * * * * * * * And it appears, according my research on Politifact, a noted fact checking organization, that even though 14 Republican candidates for President have been chattering almost nonstop 24/7 for months now, not a single one has said a single thing that is rated as "true" ..........unless, I might add, you count them calling each other stupid, narcissistic, out of touch, vain, unrealistic, vapid, delusional, and dumb. * * * * * * * * In local news, Con-job-Agra will leave a bitter taste in Omaha's mouth -- which, btw, is not a good thing for a food company. It feels like a 26-year-long one-night-stand. ConAgra to Omaha - "It's not you; it's me. We can still be friends."