Friday, July 25, 2014

Rand Paul, John Boehner, and Sarah Palin

Republican serial plagiarizer Senator Rand Paul of Kentucky today issued this comment on hearing the news that Montana Democratic Senator John Walsh plagiarized major portions of his master's thesis: "Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow, Creeps in this petty pace from day to day, To the last syllable of recorded time; And all our yesterdays have lighted fools The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle! Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player, That struts and frets his hour upon the stage, And then is heard no more. It is a tale Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, Signifying nothing." * * * * * WASHINGTON (AP) — The U.S. government ran a record $71 billion monthly budget surplus in June, putting it on course to record the lowest annual deficit since 2008. - Outraged Republicans vow to fight. * * * * * The number of people seeking U.S. unemployment benefits fell last week to its lowest level in eight years; outraged Republicans vow to fight. * * * * * Two Republican appointed circuit judges in Washington DC overturned part of Obamacare recently, the premium subsidies for approximately 5 million people. As a result, many of these Americans may no longer be able to afford health insurance; elated Republicans rejoiced........"This a great day for America," said Republican House Speaker John Boehner. "The thought of millions of Americans having affordable health insurance is an abomination. With all the bad news this last week in Gaza and Israel and Putin and Ukraine, finally a ray of sunshine. We look forward to the day when no one will be able to afford health care.....period." Later in the day another circuit court ruled in favor of the subsidies in a separate but similar case. I doubt Fox News even reported that. * * * * * Republicans to South America: "When we said, 'Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,' we didn't mean your damn kids." And by the way, Republicans are simultaneously suing President Obama for acting without them on one thing (health care) and demanding he take unilateral actions on another (child immigration). * * * * * And finally, upon hearing that NBA star LeBron James was going back to Cleveland, Sarah Palin announced that she is removing herself from the political spot light and will make no more political pronouncements. She further stated that because LeBron James is heading back to Cleveland, she will be entering a Fundamentalist Recovery program. "I used to take very word of the Bible as literal truth, but now I realize the Bible is rich with metaphor and symbolism. I am going back to college and major in Literature and History and try to learn some of the stuff I missed the first time around, like logic and science. Life is too short to hold grudges and I'm going to donate all my money to worthy charities from now on. I will also try to learn English. Thank you, LeBron."