Reality Detachment Epistemic Closure Assault Weapon Freakout Syndrome

The National Center for Disease Control is reporting outbreaks of both the flu and a new airborne pathogen: Reality Detachment Epistemic Closure Assault Weapon Freakout Syndrome which is characterized by weapon and ammunition hoarding, conspiracy theory attraction, revolutionary rhetoric, hysteria, and the building of booby-trapped bunkers prepping for "the big one." Symptoms also include delusions that the massacre at Sandy Hook did not actually occur; or, in a mutated state, that although the killing of 20 children did occur, it was the result of a left-wing conspiracy to murder children so that the socialist dictator monarchy of President Obama could take their guns away. They also believe that their interpretation of the US Constitution is the only legitimate one as they are the keepers of divine authority and are "channeling" the founding fathers, who they say wanted every white person to have an assault weapon. Stay tuned for more breaking news on this issue.