Special Chris Christie Report

Governor Chris Christie is denying any knowledge of the scandal related to the closing of the George Washington Bridge between Fort Lee, New Jersey and New York City. Christie appeared contrite, which is a bit of an oxymoron, but seemed more Reaganesque as well: "I had no idea Colonel Oliver North was in the White House selling weapons to Iran to get money to finance the overthrow of a democratically elected government in Nicaragua."........................... And according to Andy Borowitz: at a press conference, New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie offered another defense as he denied any involvement in the bridge-closing scandal: "At the time the decision was made, I was busy shouting at a teacher."........................ Embattled New Jersey Governor Chris Christie announced today he is hiring Dennis Rodman as his new Assistant Chief of Staff to replace the one he just fired. "I like how he has handled his North Korean trips," said the Governor. "The addition of Dennis, if he stops drinking, doing drugs, and gets enough sleep, should be an improvement here.".............................. House Republican Oversight Committee Chairman Darrel Issa said his committee will investigate President Obama's role in shutting down the George Washington Bridge. "We think he was in on it," Issa said. "Don't you remember how palsy-walsy he and Christie were after the Hurricane Sandy? Talk about your smoking gun. There's more evidence on this than there has been on any other scandal we've tried to blame the President for. We're pretty sure it's related to Obamacare."............................... But there was some good News for President Obama: In what may signal a turn around for the President's political fortunes in 2014, a new book by right-wing pastor of the First Baptist Church in Dallas, Texas, Robert Jefress, while disagreeing with virtually everything the President has done, and while maintaining that Obama is paving the way for the antichrist, claims Obama is "certainly not the antichrist." A White House spokesperson said: "Sometimes we just have to take good news where we find it."........................... Rule of politics: When your best defense is "I had no idea what my people were doing," that's bad. But Governor Christie did release the conclusion of "traffic study." -- If you close lanes on the most used bridge in the world for political retribution against a Mayor who didn't endorse you, and then try to cover it up later, you're going to be in a heap o' trouble........................... Instead of broadcasting Governor Christie's two hour press conference, Fox News showed reruns of their old false reporting on Benghazi........................ And today Sarah Palin commented on Gov. Chris Christie's bridge problem: "Gosh, in this wonderful time of thankfulness for our great republic based under God's Bill of Rights as written by Moses on a tablet, I can only think our great leader George Washington didn't tell a lie and then a bridge between two great states didn't chop down that cherry tree. And gosh, my wonderful children, who could see Russia from that bridge in Alaska, but it's not, and a genuine patriot like the Gov., who should probably exercise and take walks around the block, God bless America."