Republican Promise

Breaking News: At a press conference today, 25 Republicans all joined in a press release that said although President Obama has offered a mea culpa regarding the "you can keep your insurance plan" statements he made and has said that insurance companies can continue to offer their substandard plans for another year, they will not accept his apology, are blaming President Obama, and are proposing instead that insurance companies can continue to offer their substandard plans for another year. "We do not accept President Obama's apology, and blame President Obama instead. We do not accept his plan to extend these substandard plans for another year, but instead propose that insurance companies be able to extend these substandard plans for another year." They promised that if and when Republicans ever decide to develop a plan to help get health insurance and health care to Americans that their website would work. "It is unconscionable that President Obama's Affordable Care Act has a glitchy website. And just because we haven't come up with anything other in the last 35 years than the plan that President Obama adopted, a Heritage Foundation plan used by Governor Romney in Massachussetts, doesn't mean that we won't come up with something else someday possibly, maybe, could be anyway. We look forward to that day again when insurance companies can kick people off their plans, deny coverage to sick kids, set life-time maximums, and refuse to cover people with pre-existing conditions. And in the event that we actually ever do come up with a plan to guarantee health insurance and health care for Americans, not that we are really working on anything, or even have any plans to work on anything, we will guarantee that the website will work. You can take our word on that." They said they are hesitant to develop an alternative plan to Obamacare, because the last time they developed a health insurance plan, President Obama adopted it. "We hate to see all that effort go into developing an alternative plan, like Romneycare, just to have the President adopt it. The individual mandate -- our idea. The health insurance exchanges -- our idea. The minimum standards -- our idea. We've been down that road before," said Republican House Speaker John Boehner, a tear running down his cheek. "We're tired of the President agreeing with us. Time after time we will make suggestions and the President will agree. It's just so frustrating. And for crying out loud, on the ACA he adopted the whole fricking thing, and now it's called Obamacare. And on Immigration, he's just giving us that old George W. Bush plan. It'll be a cold day in hell before we try to solve problems again." ps. My 2014 calendars have arrived and I'm taking orders. Only $20 for 365 wonderful days!