Friday, August 02, 2013

Fry Me to the Moon

Texas is facing a pentobarbital shortage, its execution drug of choice. Texas switched to the drug after anti-death penalty activists made its first choice of their preferred death drug cocktail unavailable. European drug manufacturers, for example, will not sell their drugs to Texas for use in executions. Other drugs not currently used for executions are being investigated for their possible use. Governor Perry of Texas said, "Hell, we'd use battery acid if it weren't for the namby-pamby liberals. Some nonsense about 'cruel and unusual punishment'. Since when is that in the Constitution? We've had to find subtler ways of execution since hanging, the gas chamber, firing squads, and the electric chair are no longer fashionable or even permissible." Other death penalty drug cocktails Texas is considering include: mayonnaise and lemon juice, Coca Cola, laundry detergent, Windex, and recycled motor oil. Governor Perry went on to say, "This is Texas. We are awash in toxic petrochemicals and industrial chemical pollution. And we are killing our citizens with all this contamination on a regular basis. If we can use it on our children every day, why can't we use it on convicted killers? Why should convicted killers get protection. I mean, come on, we don't even protect our own kids from these chemicals. Let's just pump them full of freon and see what happens," he said to an audience of his cheering supporters.


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