Is the Pope Catholic?

A timeline of the week's events at the Vatican. On Monday morning this week, Donald Trump offered $100,000,000 to the Catholic Church if they let him be Pope..................................................... On Monday afternoon, Donald Trump raises gift offer to $250,000,000 to the Catholic Church if they let him be Pope.................................................. On Tuesday morning there was breaking news from the Vatican: After a deal was struck for $500,000,000, Donald Trump will be the new Pope. He will be the first golfer to be elected Pope in 600 years.......................................................... Later that same day, a new Pope was selected who chose a woman's name to show just how far he is willing to go on women's issues. ............................................................. But claiming that massive voter fraud cost him the Papacy, Donald Trump then declared himself acting Pope in absentia, and said he will build new Vatican City in Las Vegas. "I am in charge here," he said. "You think the old Vatican was something; wait'll you see the new one," he said. "I'm talking gold bidets." Mr. Trump will assume the name of Hilarius II in honor of the first Hilarius Pope who served from 461 AD to 468 AD. "I promise to be even more Hilarius that the first one," the newly named Hilarius II Pope said. ......................................................................................... By mid-Thursday afternoon, Donald Trump, devastated that an Argentinian with a woman's name was selected Pope, threatened to sue the Vatican. "I thought we had a deal," he said. "I'll be sending the same crack team of detectives to Argentina that I sent to Hawaii to check on President Obama's birth certificate."............................................................ By late Thursday, Donald Trump had realized his Presbyterianism was a negative in his bid to become Pope. "I don't want to be critical of the Vatican, but I don't think it's fair they only choose Catholics. If only they had known I wasn't really that good a Presbyterian."............................................................................ Meanwhile, back at the Vatican and barely installed as Pope, Francis I from Argentina was accused of lip-syncing his opening prayer, of being a secret Muslim from Kenya, and of wanting to make Spanish the official language of Italy................................................................ Here's an Andy Rooney question for you: Why is it that the same people in Byron, Maine, and other places, who argued that making it mandatory to purchase health insurance was unconstitutional are now talking about making every household purchase a gun?.............................................................................. And finally, Paul Ryan's budget would kick 107 year old Ayn Rand off Social Security and Medicare. I'm still trying to figure out why he is so enamored of the pro-abortion atheist Rand who took Social Security and Medicare.