Thursday, February 14, 2013

Thoughts for the week on Valentine's Day 2013

State of the Union - Here's an Andy Rooney question for you. Does anybody think it strange that the Republicans, who think English should be the official language of the United States, had Marco Rubio broadcast the State of the Union Response in both English and Spanish? North Korea, desperate for military assault weapons and ammunition, plans to open a WalMart in Pyongyang."We're tired of getting all that used crap from China. We want the latest in assault weapons technology." What bothers me most about Kim Jong-un is that his favorite TV show is "Doomsday Preppers." Pope Benedict XVI, in shocking news, announces he is converting to Presbyterianism, is considering offers for a tell-all book deal ghost written by Sarah Palin, guest reality television appearances on Swamp People, Hoarders, and Storage Wars, but is leaning to his own Italian cable TV Reality to be called "Lives of ex-Popes" in which a 24 hour web cam system is installed in his Vatican apartment. In more weird news of the day, Donald Trump demands to see Pope Benedict's birth certificate. In even weirder news, Ted Nugent will attend the papal conclave at the invite of a rogue priest from Texas. And in possibly the weirdest news, Sarah Palin says she may run for Pope even if it means she has to convert to Catholicism. She says, "John McCain says she's just as qualified to be Pope as she was to be President After President Obama's State of the Union Address this week, House Majority Leader John Boehner and Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell assured Republicans across the country that they will work tirelessly over the coming weeks to come up with a new losing strategy. "And if all else fails," they said, "we've always got Benghazi." And finally, Japanese flying squid? Sure. The next thing you'll be telling me is that Gomer Pyle was gay......


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