Marriage, Politics, and Josey Wales

One of the writing assignment I give my students is to write a paper about a "concept." One student chose the concept of "marriage." He gathered a bit of the information froth from the edges of the internet ocean and cobbled together a surprisingly confusing and incoherent discussion in which he quoted from Code of Hammurabi, early Hebrew texts, English common law, John Milton's "Paradise Lost," a feminist psychotherapist by the name of Janice E. Dawley, former President Bill Clinton, and some unidentified guy. Among his observations are that "some men have difficulty telling the truth but is very fluent in telling lies shows how deceitful some men can be." Hard to argue with that. And..."even though many marriages have its ups and downs, divorce has never felt like an option." Sure, tell that to my ex. And he concludes that "Regardless, the principles of marriage show that the issues marriage throws at us can be extremely irregular." Amen to that.

My purpose here is not to make fun of my student, although I got a good laugh at those lines, but to contemplate the complexities of modern marriages. I was married for four years and therefore can claim to be an expert. The only good thing to come out of it was my son -- a gift from God for sure. However, as studies confirm, divorce spikes at the four year mark and the seven year mark, corresponding roughly to the time it takes to raise an infant, and then a second, to be a more or less functional human toddler. I fit right at the top of the first spike. Had we had a second child, it seems likely that we'd have hit the second spike. My parents had six. Five made it.

From the ancient and not-so ancient codes of marital subservience of the woman, to the Miltonian Garden of Eden where Eve gets the blame, to modern equal rights for women and marriage partnerships, to the Clinton's mysterious marriage, to the unidentified guy experiencing "extremely irregular" issues, marriage as an insitution has persisted. Not unlike the Bill O'Reilly annual attacks on Christmas he creates with smoke and mirrors every year, the fabricated "attacks" on marriage manufactured by the Christian Right in 2000 got enough anti-gay marriage groups heated up and stirred up with their petitions and legislative actions in half a dozen states to the extent that even though it took a combination of Albert Bore Gore, Ralph Nadir, the anti-gay marriage movement, and the US Supreme Court to get George W. Bush elected --so how did such schmo as George W get such a class act as Laura anyway? --he still got elected. I don't get it. Marriage as a wedge issue. And what about the Texas polygamists' compound complete with child brides with multiple mothers? Egad. George W was Governor of that state.

My parents have been married for 60 years now. You have to live a long time to achieve that. You have to weather the "extremely irregular" issues as they occur. My hat is off to them. My Dad's health is failing, but he's back home after a week in the hospital. Thinking about his life and his life with my mother has intersected with this essay on marriage I was grading and led me to go off on this tangent regarding marriage. I could have liked being married. It wasn't all bad. Maybe again sometime. Being married 62 years is like shooting your age in golf. You must defy all the statistics and "endeavor to persevere" -- from "The Outlaw Josey Wales," one of my favorite movies, Chief Dan George and Clint Eastwood. Play from the front tee boxes, play every day, ride in a cart, and be lucky as well, I suspect.

So anyway, to all my friends who have flourished in your marriages and/or survived the "extremely irregular" issues over the years, or shot your age in golf, I congratulate you and wish you the best. I'm glad that the phonied up "attacks on marriage" are not part of this year's Presidential election, and am sorry to see that FOX News can no longer do its "so many days since Obama has refused to come on our show schtick." But the best and worst of this year's campaign is yet to come. "For better or worse....till death do us part." Marriage and politics in America.

Regards,
Gobama,
Bud C