Rick Santorum is One of Us

It was fairly close in both states, but Rick Santorum has won both the Alabama and Mississippi primaries.

After blowing double digit leads in the final days of previous primaries with his anti-birth control, anti-education, and anti John F Kennedy statements, Rick Santorum showed surprising strength among those Republicans in the deep south who think President Obama is a Muslim, and even worse, a college graduate. "We are sick and tired of college "ejicated" people thinkin' they know more than we do," said Bubba. "Can they shoot an alligator between the eyes with a rifle or make moonshine? We rekkin not. We want someone like us: really ignorant." He went on: "Santorum may have several college degrees, but at least he sounds stupid."

‎"We heard tell that Romney and Gingrich speak French. We just don't cotton to that," Bubba went on. "Santorum may be a Catholic, but there's no way he knows Latin." "Semper fi," he added, proud of his 4 tours in Iraq and Afghanistan. "There'll be none of that E Pluribus Unum crap for us," Bubba continued. Bubba went on, "And don't go talking that evolution nonsense. We believe in survival of the fittest down here."

My preliminary electoral analysis is that the voters wanted someone every bit as dumb as they are. And that man, by the slimmest of margins, is Rick Santorum. Further analysis shows that Santorum polled well among married women under the age of 15 with children.