Handicapping the Republican Candidates

Undeclared Republican candidates have been tripping over each other, themselves, and you know, facts and stuff like that, in their rightward sprint to say and be more and more Tea Party friendly these last few weeks. Iowa and now New Hampshire are seeing this group of malleable pols. Here's my handicapping so far:

Newt Gingrich - his explanation that he had so many affairs while married to different women - "I loved my country so much" - may not stand the test of time. Plus he's cravenly opportunistic and will say anything.

Donald Trump - he looks and acts too much like Kim Jong-Il, you know, the North Korean Dictator. Donald expects people to jump when he says stuff. His statement this weekend about lowering gas prices by simply telling the Saudis to do so ignores the realities of Wall Street speculators. I'm guessing the Saudis would tell him to go pound sand up his a**. Plus, if he could lower gas prices just by saying --- why hasn't he?

Sarah Palin - She is so last year. Her Tuscon remarks were probably her permanent undoing. I paraphrase: "Too bad about the Congresswoman and the kid, but what about me?" Plus she's mean, petty, narcissistic, vindictive, and willfully ignorant. At her Wisconsin rally over the week end, there were more protestors than supporters. That about sums her up.

Michele Bachmann - The new Sarah Palin of the far right, she's just plain dumb. Despite all her attacks on public education, she graduated from Anoka public High School in Minnesota. She's the walking proof that something is wrong with public education in America. And her understanding of American history rivals that of a potato.

Rick Santorum - just look up his last name on google. Plus he lost his last Senate campaign.

Former Governor Mitt Romney is doomed because of his successful health insurance reform in Massachussetts - his mandatory insurance idea was adopted by President Obama - of all the dirty tricks.

Tim Pawlenty - who?

Mike Huckabee - Mike Huckabee - he can't help himself and says reasonable things on a regular basis; therefore, he has no chance. My brother Jerry calls it Tourette's Reasonableness Syndrome. Huckabee will rambling along perfectly singing the right wing crazy song, and out of nowhere will come a reasoned thoughtful moment, shocking everyone around him.