A Wild Week of Whisker Biscuits

This was another one of those weeks where I read the news and scratched my head and thought everything is spinning out of control. I'd think we are all doomed, except that Dec. 21, 2012 has come and gone. For example, the Obama girls went on spring break to the Bahamas; and, Steve King, Iowa Republican was outraged that they went while the Sequester was costing people their jobs. I think he voted against every alternative to the Sequester. And on Gun Control, Democrat after Democrat is drifting away from supporting significant gun control legislation. After hearing today that Marco Rubio, Rand Paul, and Ted Cruz will block a Senate vote on any gun control legislation, NRA/gun industry lobbyist Wayne LaPierre said, "It takes more than a bunch of dead kids and grieving parents to bring us down." Vagina Monologues - In Idaho, a 10th grade science teacher is under investigation for using the word “vagina” while teaching a 10th grade biology lesson on reproduction and anatomy. One has to wonder what would have been the preferred term: sausage wallet, candy tunnel, love muffin, butter boat, sugar basin, trout basket? The pro-ignorance folks are at work here. Maybe I'm missing something here, but if I were to put together a list of the 50 most appropriate places and times to use the word "vagina," a high school sex education class on anatomy and reproduction would be pretty close the the top of the list. Supreme Court Justice Antonin said he didn't think there were homosexuals in the United States until the 1960's. Um, it's hard to even know what to say about that. But most of the pundits believe the Court will strike down California's ban on gay marriage and also overturn the Defense of Marriage Act. Both moves would be in the right direction. Given the country's evolution in support of gay marriage, gay divorce can't be far behind. And finally, a quote I can relate to: "I've spent most of my life golfing. The rest I've just wasted." Author Unknown

Republicans Offer President Obama Pathway to Citizenship

Much of the news this past week focused on the Republican CPAC (Conservative Political Action Conference) and the rifts in the party. Wedge issues which had been so successful in the past have backfired against them in recent years. Immigration, gay rights, global warming, taxes, and more, but it appears some common ground was found on immigration: Republicans will offer President Obama a pathway to citizenship. Many Republicans still cling to the belief that President Obama is not a US citizen but in the spirit of "bipartisan amity," according to John Boehner, Republicans are now willing to extend this olive branch from the land of opportunity. In Speaker Boehner's words: "Where else in the world can an undocumented illegal alien, by hard work and determination, come here, get an education, learn skills, find work, raise a family, and become the President of the United States? What a country!" ........................................................................................................ Speaker Boehner is aware of the internal Republican struggle with this issue: "If we can just get Louie Gohmert to stop calling Natasha and Malia 'terror babies' that would help," Boehner said .............................................................................................................. In addition to hardliners like Gohmert, Donald Trump, self-described "Birther in Chief," weighed in against granting President Obama a path to citizenship. "Why should he get amnesty?" Trump asked. "He should go to the back of the line with all the other illegals. He shouldn't get special treatment just because he's President." Observers say Trump's intransigence may threaten an already delicate negotiation. "This could be as bad as Richard Nixon's treasonous sabotage of Lyndon Johnson's peace talks with the North Vietnamese," a Republican source admitted. "And that led to five more years of pointless war and American casualties before South Vietnam was eventually conquered by the north. ....................................................... College student Republicans attending CPAC (Conservative Political Action Conference), covered up to age 26 by their parent's health insurance under Obamacare, this week cheered when speaker after speaker proposed eliminating Obamacare. They might want to talk to their parents about this. It reminds me of the Tea Party rallies where people held up signs that said Keep Government out of my Medicare............................... And finally, Sarah Palin, former part-time Governor and the main reason John McCain lost his bid to be President in 2008, calls for more subsidies for oil companies, more loopholes for millionaires, tax breaks for rich people, cuts in medicare, social security, unemployment insurance, but supersized soft drinks for all. And believe it or not, she said about her husband Todd, "He's got the rifle; I've got the rack."...................................

Is the Pope Catholic?

A timeline of the week's events at the Vatican. On Monday morning this week, Donald Trump offered $100,000,000 to the Catholic Church if they let him be Pope..................................................... On Monday afternoon, Donald Trump raises gift offer to $250,000,000 to the Catholic Church if they let him be Pope.................................................. On Tuesday morning there was breaking news from the Vatican: After a deal was struck for $500,000,000, Donald Trump will be the new Pope. He will be the first golfer to be elected Pope in 600 years.......................................................... Later that same day, a new Pope was selected who chose a woman's name to show just how far he is willing to go on women's issues. ............................................................. But claiming that massive voter fraud cost him the Papacy, Donald Trump then declared himself acting Pope in absentia, and said he will build new Vatican City in Las Vegas. "I am in charge here," he said. "You think the old Vatican was something; wait'll you see the new one," he said. "I'm talking gold bidets." Mr. Trump will assume the name of Hilarius II in honor of the first Hilarius Pope who served from 461 AD to 468 AD. "I promise to be even more Hilarius that the first one," the newly named Hilarius II Pope said. ......................................................................................... By mid-Thursday afternoon, Donald Trump, devastated that an Argentinian with a woman's name was selected Pope, threatened to sue the Vatican. "I thought we had a deal," he said. "I'll be sending the same crack team of detectives to Argentina that I sent to Hawaii to check on President Obama's birth certificate."............................................................ By late Thursday, Donald Trump had realized his Presbyterianism was a negative in his bid to become Pope. "I don't want to be critical of the Vatican, but I don't think it's fair they only choose Catholics. If only they had known I wasn't really that good a Presbyterian."............................................................................ Meanwhile, back at the Vatican and barely installed as Pope, Francis I from Argentina was accused of lip-syncing his opening prayer, of being a secret Muslim from Kenya, and of wanting to make Spanish the official language of Italy................................................................ Here's an Andy Rooney question for you: Why is it that the same people in Byron, Maine, and other places, who argued that making it mandatory to purchase health insurance was unconstitutional are now talking about making every household purchase a gun?.............................................................................. And finally, Paul Ryan's budget would kick 107 year old Ayn Rand off Social Security and Medicare. I'm still trying to figure out why he is so enamored of the pro-abortion atheist Rand who took Social Security and Medicare.

Sequester Break

The way things have been going lately, you'd think Mitt Romney won. The Sequester happened. The Sequester was supposed to be so devastating in its impact that no Congress in its right mind would let it happen. "Sure, I know children, veterans, seniors, and the disabled will all be hurt by the sequester," House Republican Leader John Boehner said today, "but that's not important. The important thing is we kept all the tax breaks and loopholes for millionaires and oil companies intact." I think President Obama misjudged the Republicans on this one. They're crazier than we thought. The CPAC (Conservative Political Action Conference) invited a roster of losers and shunned their most popular Governor, Chris Christie. Donald Trump was given a podium for a speech -- Donald Trump. Sarah Palin. Budget cuts, downsizing, furloughs, layoffs, no more White House tours. But now it's Sequester Break. Thank God it's time for Sequester Break. But now, colleges are closed for a week and all those kids headed to Florida and Mexico. Just remember what Dean Wormer said: "Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son." Just ask Newt Gingrich. ............................................................................................................... Al Quaida, though, announced it will be downsizing due to the Sequester. "These budget cuts are hitting us hard. And with all the early retirements we've had lately in our leadership structure, we are having to do more with less, and it's just hard. We are considering lowering our entry requirements and enacting a Don't Ask Don't Tell policy to widen the net," a spokesperson said. "We do, however, oppose President Obama's decision to argue against the Defense of Marriage Act." On the subject of possible strategies to deal with the budget cutting, "We've looked into outsourcing and off-shoring, but the income tax rates in most foreign countries are considerably higher than Yemen and Somalia, although we are looking at South Dakota." ............................................................................................................. In a filibuster that I'm still trying to get my head around, Senator Rand Paul, appeared to have the high moral ground on a hypothetical question he sent to Attorney General, Eric Holder. Before clarifying his answer to say that no, the United States does not have the right to used militarized drone attacks on US citizens on US soil, he left enough ambiguity in his answer that Rand Paul drove his filibuster truck right through it. Ostensibly to protest the nomination of John Brennan, the filibuster was used by Rand Paul to demagogue and dissemble and pontificate (oh, wait, that's next paragraph) for 13 hours. Displaying heroic bladder control and spewing epic nonsense, he delayed the vote on John Brennan for those 13 hours before the Senate then voted to confirm him as head of the CIA by a vote of 63 to 34. John McCain and Lindsay Graham called Rand Paul ridiculous and wrong. ............................................................................................................................... And speaking of pontificating, the Vatican held its first Gay Pride event on Thursday with an undisclosed number of priests attending. In another development, a cabal of gay priests were thwarted from releasing rainbow colored smoke upon the selection of the new pope who could very well be named Jesus. That would be something. The Vatican fear that gay priests will make the pedophiles look bad is probably right. ......................................................................................................................... A week after former NBA star and strange human being, Dennis Rodman, visited North Korea and made nice with Kim Jong un, the North Korean leader scrapped its peace treaty with South Korea and threatened to launch a nuclear strike against the US. This could affect Kim Jong un's life dream to play point guard for the Harlem Globetrotters. We'll see. ......................................................................................................................... Hugo Chavez died of a heart attack after months of treatment for cancer in Cuba. The Venezuelan vice president blamed the United States. I don't know what to say about that. ............................................................................................ Later, Bud